This is my essay for the UF Application. It is a rough draft, so I believe it's nowhere near finished. all CONSTRUCTIVE criticism welcomed!
-In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
-It was the middle of Junior Year in High School, and I was about to embark in one of the toughest journeys of my life. November was when my mother told me that we were moving to Florida. I was excited; It seemed like a fun, new experience. And since I never had much of those, I immediately adjusted to the idea. The months passed, and I kept the news to myself. I had never been much of a "social butterfly" so the friends aspect did not seem to bother me. The family part, on the other hand was what had me preoccupied. But I ignored these thoughts, and began counted down the months, mentally trading the cold, snow-covered Pine trees for the lush, warm Palms. But I could have never imagined all of which was going to occur.
The U-Haul Truck was loaded up with all our belongings, and I remained calm, reflected on my breath seen in the cold winter air. We made the stops to say our farewells to our family and friends, and with each stop I began to wonder why I has not hit me yet. Short after, we hit the road, where the 20 hour drive to Paradise seemed never-ending.
Once we finally arrived, the sight resembled a Postcard with huge happy letters saying "Greetings from Florida!" The emerald-green beaches, beautiful palm trees, and abundant sunshine seemed unreal. But this picture-perfect Paradise rapidly came crashing down when I had to start my first day of school. It was a completely new environment for me, which I had no idea on how to handle. A million thoughts crossed my mind. What am I doing here? This is not where I belong. I miss my friends, my family, my life. The thought of starting over became horridly more and more real as the days went on. The hallway was packed with students, yet I felt so alone. I might as well been in a foreign country where they spoke a language that I did not know, a culture I did not practice. But after countless restless nights, and numerous pleas to God, I finally began to adapt. My mindset began to widen, comprehending the fact that this is my new home. From this point on, I changed. I joined several clubs, participated in more activities, and had more enthusiasm for the community. As I became more and more involved, I came to realized how confined in my Comfort Zone I had been back home. I became so comfortable with my life that nothing else really mattered. My constricted view on my environment crippled my own self rather than benefited. Now, 8 months later, I am thankful to God that I was presented with this incredible obstacle. It has shaped me into a stronger, more independent person ready to take on any challenge life throws at me.
The family part, on the other hand, was what had me preoccupied.
and began counting down the months, mentally trading the cold
remained calm, reflecting on my breath seen in the cold
I might as well have been in a foreign
confined in my comfort zone I had been back home.