I am applying for a business school in Netherlands, however this is highly selective and I am not a native English speaker. Could you please, tell me what is wrong in my letter in a grammatical point or what is not clear.
The instructions :
You should include the following: details of your international background or experience (if applicable); your reasons for applying to an international, English-language business programme (IBA), your reasons for applying to Rotterdam School of Management, Erasmus University (RSM) and your future career plans.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I write you this letter in order to express you the high interest I give to the International Business Administration lavished by the Rotterdam School of Management
My name is XX, I'm 17 years old and I was born and raised in a farm, in X. Even though this tiny and quiet village located in the North of France may present all the characteristics of its like, there was always something that I loved there, his location in the Franco-Belgian border. I have always been amazed by all these differences made by this simple border, first the different languages spoken, whether French or Dutch.
Undeniably, I always felt this attraction for the unknown and different way of life. For example, when I was only 4 years old, I well remember this moment when I was preparing my luggage to take off for Australia because of my kangaroos' attraction; unfortunately I was quickly stopped by my parents.
Later, my Latin classes permitted me a few years after to have my first trip abroad in Italy for a week.
After this first experience, I had the chance to be placed in a Spanish family, thanks to my school, when I was 13 years old. There, I have definitely confirmed my interest for foreign experiences, thanks to the discovery of the Barcelonan daily life. Nevertheless Barcelona was not the only place of dubbing for my foreign attracting but as well the sunrise of my interest for economics and international socials issues. Indeed, there was an important protest organized by government's opponents because of the economic crisis which was raging in Spain and which is still doing at the moment. Therefore, I started to wonder how we may find an outcome to such a situation, touching all the parts of the Spanish society, even bothering our host, and this definitely marked the social damages brought by the crisis.
One year later, after have joined the "European section" class permitting to improve English, I have been given the chance to participate in another school trip in Dublin, Ireland. This implies the discovery of the local culture, meeting and talking daily with our family hosts, exchanging our stories and all of these in English was another wonderful experience.
Finally, last year, I had a trip in London for my cousin's Hindu wedding which was a new amazing cultural experience. Furthermore, my parents also asked me to plan the trip, which was pretty interesting and really participated to the awakening of an appetence for the managing's field because of how interesting and complex it was to coordinate 3 different arrivals, find a hostel at the perfect location and find the means to move in the city. Mainly, however it was how to make these factors the most convenient for a price as low as possible.
For the reasons I mentioned above, I have been interested by business and economics on one hand. On the other hand, when I was 14 years old I had to realize an internship in a company of my choice for school. I have chosen to realize it in a French bank, the Crédit Mutuel. This experience was absolutely interesting because I have discovered the social aspect that bankers had by helping people to master their budgets so as they are not put in financial difficulties anymore, or also by helping to realize the project of their lives as become owners of their house or to realize the wedding of their dreams. In addition, I like to do some trading simulations and I enjoyed to see that my initial capital was increased by 25% in 3 months.
This way, I would like to be an outstanding financial adviser permitting that companies I would help could get out of bad situations and then, help the society to get out of social troubles because the people recruited by those companies would be given a work and a wage.
I remember to have been asked by an Australian what was I going to make of my life and I have answered that I was hesitating whether by studying languages or management and I clearly remember she asked me the reason why I would not combine each other.
I think you did a marvelous job talking about your personal discovery experience, and how you came to be interested in the program for which you are applying. By talking about your international experience, you set the stage for going to an international school, very well. I think you could spend a little more time on why you want to go to that particular school.
Your social outlook on societies problems is commendable, and it was a good decision to mention is in the introduction, and the conclusion.
I think you have a tendency to veer into run-on sentences. Trying focusing on what you are trying to say, and break it up into logical phrases, rather than a stream of consciousness. I used some more commas, and tried to vary the sentence type. This allows the reader to pause, and catch their breath, and keeps their interest.