I'd like to apply an undergraduate program at X univ, and the question is "What motivated you to apply at X? why and what do you want to study at X? (400 words or less)
and here my essay :
"X is a well-known institute that have a main role in science and technology research, X has a competitive pupils, so I believe in X there is a tight competition in learning activity, thus I believe if everyone who enter X will become a professional man in their major. X has many professional lecturers, and X has produced many professional scientists, and no doubt, X is one of the best universities in the world. One of my dreams is becoming a scientist, I have dreamed and have a passion to become a scientist for a long time and I want to do many extraordinary researches, and I believe I can reach my dreams through X. Because of that I really want to be one of X's pupils. In X, I would like to learn about Biological Sciences, because I really fall in love with biology, all the things in biology make me so curious, and if I read biology books, it is like I read novels or comics, and I really enjoy that moment, I love being in biology laboratory and do many experiments, it is like I feel an amazing feeling when I wear my jacket lab and touch a frog, octopus, or mouse. without any fear and how I find that a starch will change if we add a few drops of lugol or any changes or responses of the organism, it is really unbelievable, but that is the fact, because of that my curiosity is growing bigger and bigger when I learn biology. I love to know about the structure of creatures and how the system of their body work. That is so incredible. I would like to have an extraordinary and unusual research in biology, and find many useful things in my research later, for example is like Francesco Redi, Lazzaro Spallanzani, Louis Pasteur, perharps, without them we still believe that organism comes from inanimate thing, without Alexander Flemming we will not find the most important thing in medicine, penicillin. and we can not explain how tobacco plants have spots if Adolf Mayer didn't find TMV (Tobaic Mosaic Virus), Because of that I really want to learn biology deeper and take biology as my major in X. If X give me an opportunity to become one of X's pupils, I will really study and work hard in X, and become a professional scientist in biology department."
i need your advise friends, please review my motivation letter, thank you very much :)
Some grammatical errors. Hope it helps. =)
X is a well-known institute that havehas a main role in science and technology research. X has a competitive pupilsstudents , so I believe in Xthat there is a tight competition in learning activity , thus I believe if everyone who enter X will become a professionalsman (some are women as well, so it is better to not put man) in their major. X has many professional lecturers, and Xhas also produced many professional scientists, and. No doubt, X is one of the bestmost prestigious universities in the world. One of my dreams is becomingto become a scientist, I have dreamedalways dreamtand have a passionto becomeof becoming a scientist for a long timesince young and I want to do many extraordinary researches, and. I believe I can reach my dreams through X. Because of that I really want to be one of X's pupilsa member of the X family (sounds better this way). In X, I would like to learn about Biological Sciences, because I really fall in love withhave a passion for biology, all the thingseverything in biology makes me so curious, and. When I read biology books, it is like II feel like as if I am reading novels or comics, and I really enjoy that moment,. Besides, I love experiment sessions in the biology laboratory , it is like I feel an amazing feeling when I wear my jacket lablab coat and touch a frog, octopus, or mouse. without any fear and how I find that a starch will change if we add a few drops of lugol or any changes or responses of the organism, it is really unbelievable, but that is the fact, because of that my curiosity is growing bigger and biggergrew when I learn biology. I love to know about the structure of creatures and how the system of their body work. That is so incredible It i. I would like to have an extraordinary and unusual research in biology, and find many useful things in my research later,be a successful researcherfor example is like Francesco Redi, Lazzaro Spallanzani, Louis Pasteur. Perhaps , without them we would still believe that organism comes from inanimate thing (did not get what you mean), without Alexander Flemming we will not find the most important thing in medicine,there would be no penicillin. and we can notWe may not have the ability to explain how tobacco plants have spots if Adolf Mayer didn't find TMV (Tobaic Mosaic Virus). Because of thatall these I really want to learn biology deeper and take biology as my major in X. If X gives me an opportunity to become one of X's pupils , I will really study and workstrive hard in X, and become a professional scientist in biology department.
That's all I can find. Try to break them down into more sentences. Keep it up.
