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Mount Holyoke Prompt: Why Holyoke?

muskanshrestha 3 / 5  
Oct 14, 2017   #1
Please help me out. All suggestions/criticisms are welcome :)

Tell us why you are interested in attending Mount Holyoke College. (250-400 words)

Mount Holyoke can help me become a better person

As Nepal is a developing country, advances in science and technology are often muffled by the quest to attain political stability and attempts to utilize current technologies to its full potential. But despite this, I want to help my country advance in the field of medicine, and to achieve this I need not just knowledge but an overall strong disposition that will give me the strength to overcome all odds. In a country where even in the 21st-century women still face a lot of hardships due to inequality, trying to bring about a change as a woman will surely prove to be challenging. Therefore, the women at Mount Holyoke embody what I aspire to become: fearless, confident, and ingenious.

Mount Holyoke has excelled in the sciences. This is apparent by the great feats achieved by its alumni. The state of the art facilities, expert faculty and encouraging atmosphere will evidently allow me to delve deep into my interest in the biological sciences and equip me with the necessary skills to be competent in my field. I want to be a force to be reckoned with.

Holyoke is booming with diversity. Women from so many walks of life have come together to form such a tight-knit community. I can also take advantage of the Five College Consortium, which will allow me to be part of an even bigger community of students. I think this opens new doors to learning. Having to adapt to diversity at this scale will definitely include having my beliefs tested and challenged by different, sometimes contradicting perspectives. I might be forced to question certain beliefs that I hold true or face moral dilemmas. But I believe this is crucial to allow me to examine my work and ideas through various viewpoints and lead me into making informed decisions.

The various student organizations here are another appealing factor as they seem to be very proactive and engaging. I am particularly interested in the Animal Welfare Association. As an international student, I also seek the financial aid opportunities, and Holyoke is well known for being inclusive and helping out a lot of students like me.

I truly believe that Mount Holyoke can foster my talents and help me transform into the woman I want to become and achieve my goals.
usain233 - / 1  
Oct 15, 2017   #2
As :Because...
@muskanshrestha, your essay sounds good and convincing.
why are you interested in the Animal Welfare Association? How will you contribute?

But i think you should try to sound more specific, especially saying the opportunities that unique tp the college and how you would make the best out of them... I personally think your essay is quite perfect. Can you look at mine?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,686 4117  
Oct 15, 2017   #3
Muskan, when you say that the college has excelled in sciences, you must indicate some of the achievements in that field attributed to the college. Who are the alumni of the university that work in medicine who inspired you to apply to the university? The problem with indicating feats and alumni in any college essay is that it will challenge you to go beyond the popular information about the university and the information from the website. You will now need to research information about these women who excelled in these fields, note their achievements, and then mention them as specific reasons as to "Why Mount Holyoke?" The same goes for the 5 college consortium. You know what it is called, you know what the program offers. Next, you need to justify how these colleges and programs integrate into your study plans. That will be an additional reason for your desire to attend the university. Your student organization discussion is severely lacking in development. Remove the reference to your needing financial aid in order to attend the university. That is not their problem. That is something you should save for your foreign student aid scholarship application essay. It does not suit the prompt that you are responding to at the moment.

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