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Mount Holyoke College "never fear / change " essay! International student!


ita_int97 1 / -  
Oct 22, 2015   #1
I'm applying to Mount Holyoke as an international student from Italy, and in my interview I stressed the fact that my high school strongly focuses on the Classics program (latin and ancient greek). I wanted this to show in my essay. Would this be okay?

word limit: 250-400 words

When I think of the phrase "never fear / change", a specific example comes to mind.
In Antigone, one of Sophocle's most acclaimed tragedies, the author tells the story of a young woman, Antigone, whose wish is to give proper burial to both her brothers, after they have killed each other in battle. Her task however, is hindered by Creon, king of Thebes, who orders that only the brother that fought for Thebes is to be buried with honors, while the other brother, militant for the enemy, is to be left to rot.

During the development of the story, Antigone fights for her right to fulfill her wish and family duty, but eventually, after Creon sentences her to live the rest of her life in a cave as a punishment for burying both her brothers as heroes, the young protagonist decides to take her own life, preferring death to the admittance of submission towards an unethical king.

In my opinion, Antigone is the perfect example of a woman who trascends the gender laws set forth by her society, who is determined to overcome any obstacle that impedes her from reaching her ethical goals, and who is a prototype of female empowerment in her own era. In other words, Antigone "never fears / change", but promulgates it, serving as a model for all the women in her community.

Keeping in mind the courage and heroism demonstrated by the young protagonist in a time when women were thought to be submissive and weak by fusis (by nature), I know that in my experience at Mount Holyoke I will strengthen the same principles that such an inspiring character lived by.

I will not be discouraged by the existence of social norms that impede the achievement of my goals. I will always remember the importance of voicing my opinions, and I'll never take the mutual support between strong, empowering women for granted.

I will embrace my inner strenght and intelligence, that are there by fusis, as they are in every woman.
Antigone embodies all the values that together, make up the the person that I want to become: a person that Mount Holyoke will surely help me be.

A woman who never fears / change.

bonboncase 20 / 45 15  
Oct 22, 2015   #2
Hi Rebecca
I don't know what major are you applying for. If you are applying for language or culture related majors. What you emphasized could be beneficial. Just think from the admission office's point of view. What do they want to see in their students? You will think of something.

However, I don't think you are using the examples well. First I have to admit as a Chinese I am having difficulty following the names of those people. But aside from this, I think you are just repeating a story. When I saw what you said at the beginning, I thought you were going to tell your own story like overcoming the difficulties of learning Greeks. This essay is like my homework of writing a reading report. There is little YOU in it. Your admiration for something else can hardly make you unique.

These are my personal opinion for your reference.
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Oct 22, 2015   #3
Hi Rebecca :-) You have written a pretty good essay that embodies a woman who does not have fears nor fears change. I was really impressed by the quick analogy that you created regarding Antigone's story. However, I am not sure if it is actually the correct response to the application prompt because you did not provide one for us to consider. Kindly tell us what the prompt you are trying to respond to is. We can't really offer a more comprehensive opinion of your written work until we know what the requirements of the essay actually are. Please post it as soon as possible.

Overall though, you did provide an insight into the kind of emphasis that you high school placed on the Classics program. For those who are not familiar with the story of Antigone, your insight will provide a comprehensive review of the classic story. To the ones who have read the story, you offer them another point of view regarding the message of the author. You most certainly proved the depth at which your school honed their students in these classic stories.

That said, I had hoped to have read more about yourself in relation to the story of Antigone. I would have considered a parallelism between her story and the obstacles you perceive yourself to be facing at Mount Holyoke. I feel that you provided too little information about yourself and too much Antigone because her story takes more than half the page while you confined yourself to a mere paragraph. That is not a balanced essay.

What I have provided to you for now are just simple observations about your paper. It should either increase in critique or change in advice depending upon the prompt requirements. I look forward to examining your essay from the point of view of the prompt.


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