"Can you please not move? How do you expect me to ever get this filmed when you won't stop moving around? I set up the shot and you scamper about like some fool. Can't you cooperate for one second? Now, sit still, okay?" My cat blinked up at me with wide eyes, confused. I positioned my camera perfectly behind a nicely knitted spider web and focused the lens on my tabby. "Ready?" I asked and did not wait for a response as I pushed my thumb against the red Record button. The cat blinked once, twice, and raced off camera, following a fat bumble bee down the driveway.
By the time I graduated sixth grade, I made twenty various movies all staring Mrs. Zozo, my kitten. As I have grown, technology followed. Cameras got slimmer and more complicated. I bought (and still own) over six cameras, including a broken old Polaroid. Now, in high school, I hate to say my movies are extremely outdated. Even my technology-impaired mother could produce a better film.
After working so extensively as a producer in my younger years, I love working with technology. I have a passion for creativity. Every aspect of my life revolves around one thingïmy mind. Lock me in a science classroom and I will walk away with a B and a rough understanding of molecules and atoms. But throw me in a classroom with a canvas, with a camera, with a crayon, and I will be there for hours, working on any project assigned.
One of the main aspects that drew me to Allegheny College was the positive reviews from not only employers, but from graduated alumni. I would love to better my knowledge of everything technically creative, but I also am looking for a fun college experience, which, from what I hear, is exactly what Allegheny provides. The school is not far from my hometown, and the campus is just right for my personality. There is a school out there for everyone; Allegheny is my school.
I admit I may not be the smartest kid in my class. My GPA may not jump out at college administrators. My SAT scores may fade into the background behind higher numbers. But that does not mean I do not belong at Alleghany College. My passion and desire to be great stand out from my numbers, from any numbers. I hope this small admissions statement helped you to better understand Alexa Krivoniak as a student, as a learner, as a person. And I promise, if I do get accepted, my little tabby cat will not be staring in any of my future projects.
I think it would be helpful to provide the exact question you are answering in order to help the readers asses your work.
Other than that, you should omit:
"I admit I may not be the smartest kid in my class. My GPA may not jump out at college administrators. My SAT scores may fade into the background behind higher numbers."
If you are not the smartest as you say, then your essay will be the college's final guide to figure out if you are right for the school. That being said, you may need to go more in depth about how your understanding of technology and art exceeds others. You may want to include a project that you recently did to show that your knowledge and creativity with technology has grown.
You may want to take a stronger stance with your tone. It seems your downplaying yourself and your abilities throughout the essay.
Your essay needs some work, but it has potential to be very good.
from what I heard , is exactly what Allegheny provides. (i think its heard, not hear, dont take my word for it)
I admit I may not be the smartest kid in my class (Change that line, you dont want them to know that)
Even my technologically -impaired mother could produce a better film
