Describe the world you come from and how that world shaped who you are.
250 word limit... I'm at 249... Just want to make sure the bold parts don't sound awkward.
In 2001 we moved to back to Baltimore after a 2 year trail in Israeli living. When we got off the plane I was hit hard with reality like the first blast of winter. I had lost everything. It was the fresh start I didn't need. I felt like a criminal, but I wasn't running away from anything, I was trying to run back. Close friends, Languages, bartering skills, they all meant nothing now in this new world they called "Maryland".
I remember planning on holding an eternal grudge against my parents for this hurtful move but I guess time heals all wound. The thing is I was born in Baltimore but spending my time unconsciously drooling didn't help me build a strong bond with "Charm City". I was used to stores closing on Fridays for Shabot and apartment complexes separated by less than a block with everything in walking distance. Now In Pikesville, my closest neighbor is a 4-5 min walk away, cornfields surround my house, and the highway (I-695) is my backyard.
At first adjusting to life in Baltimore was challenging. It took me around 10 years to see the good side of things. My parents wanted- the space, the quiet life, the lack of +100 degree heat waves. I appreciate days that I can spend snowed in with my family, wearing pajamas and eating cereal, but I still miss that crammed 2nd floor apartment room I called home. But it's never too late to study abroad.
Questions-
How does the concluding sentence do (is it weak/flashy/useless)?
Can I use the "-" there after "My parents wanted?
How does the introductory sentence do in the last paragraph (is it weak/flashy/useless)?
The introductory sentence of the last paragraph is good. The quotations are not necessary. They seem condescending. The last sentence is weak though. It seems very out of place. Overall though, great essay!
In 2001, we (Who is we?) moved to back to Baltimore after living in Israel fora2two year trail in Israeli living . When we got off the plane, I was hit hard with reality like the first blast of winterthe situation I was in . I had lost everything. It was the fresh start I didn'tthat I did not need. I felt like a criminal, but I wasn't running away from anything, I was trying to run back. Close friends, Ll anguages, bartering skills, they all meant nothing now in this new world they called "Maryland". (I'm almost positive close friends, languages, bartering skills do mean something in Maryland...)
I remember planning onto holding an eternal grudge against my parents for this hurtful move but I guess time heals all wound (Why so philosophical?) . The thing is I was born in Baltimore but spending my time unconsciously drooling didn't help meneverbuildbuilt a strong bond with "Charm City". I was used to stores closing on Fridays for Shabot and, apartment complexes separated by less than a block awaywith , and everything inwithin walking distance. Now In Pikesville, my closest neighbor is a 4-5four to five minUTE walk away, cornfields surround my house, and the highway(I-695)Interstate 695 is my backyard.
At first, adjusting to life in Baltimore was challenging. However, as time went on, I began to see the good side of things.It took me around 10 years to see the good side of things. My parents wanted space, a quiet life, and cool weather.- the space, the quiet life, the lack of +100 degree heat waves. I appreciate thesnowy days that I can spend snowed in with my family, wearing pajamas and eating cereal, but I still miss that crammed 2ndsecond floor apartment room I called home. ButHowever,it'sIt is never too late to study abroad.
Check your grammar. This did NOT described how it shaped you to become who YOU are. It describes the places. What did you learn? What are your personalities/traits? How did these two dichotomy of worlds impact your life?
EDIT #1
(p.s. Thank you everybody for reading over my essay in advance)
In 2001 we moved to back to Baltimore after living in Israel for two years. When my family and I got off the plane I was hit hard with the situation. I had lost everything. It was the fresh start I didn't need. I felt like a criminal, but I wasn't running away from anything, I was trying to run back. Old friends, old languages, bartering skills, they all meant nothing in this new world they called "Maryland".
I remember planning to hold an eternal grudge against my parents for this hurtful move but time heals all wounds. I was born in Baltimore but spending my time unconsciously drooling didn't help me build a strong bond with "Charm City". I was used to stores closing on Fridays for Shabot, apartment complexes separated by less than a block away, and everything within walking distance. Now In Pikesville, my closest neighbor is a four to five minute walk away, cornfields surround my house, and Interstate 695 is my backyard.
At first adjusting to life in Baltimore was challenging. However, as time went on, I began to see the good side of things. My parents wanted space, a quiet life, and cool weather. I still miss that crammed second floor apartment room I called home but now I appreciate days that I can spend snowed in with my family, wearing pajamas and eating cereal. Anyways it's never too late to study abroad; Israel, Turkey, Serbia and on. "Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change"-said Stephen Hawking
Is the Stephen Hawking quote a good way to end it?
LarryHoover
In 2001, we moved to back to Baltimore after living in Israel for two years. When my family and I got off the plane I was hit hard with themy situation. I had lost everything. It was the fresh start I didn't need. I felt like a criminal, but I wasn't running away from anything,; I was trying to run back. Old friends, old languages, bartering skills, they all meant nothing in this new world they called "Maryland".
I remember planning to hold an eternal grudge against my parents for this hurtful move but time heals all wounds. (Previous sentence doesn't relate to next. Rethink this. I was born in Baltimore but spending my time unconsciously drooling didn't help me build a strong bond with "Charm City". I was used to stores closing on Fridays for Shabot, apartment complexes separated by less than a block away, and everything within walking distance. Now Ii n Pikesville, my closest neighbor is a four to five minute walk away, cornfields surround my house, and Interstate 695 is my backyard.
At first adjusting to life in Baltimore was challenging. However, as time went on, I began to see the good side of things. (Sentences are too short, you need to elaborate on this paragraph) My parents wanted space, a quiet life, and cool weather. I still miss that crammed second floor apartment room I called home but now I appreciate days that I can spend snowed in with my family, wearing pajamas and eating cereal. Anyways it's never too late to study abroad;in Israel, Turkey, Serbia and so on. This quote should go somewhere in the beginning. "Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change"-said Stephen Hawking
Overall, better! It's coming together, make another edit.
I like it. I think it's a good version. Get the opinion of others haha :)
Haha yea good idea. Thanks again.
