hey i have two essays here and i'm looking for help with grammar, spelling, content, etc.
please tell me what you HONESTLY think.
thank you so much!
1. If there has been some obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life, please explain the circumstances.
During one's lifetime, many things stand out as difficult. Some last a few days, others a week. But during the summer of 2007, I experienced something that would change my life forever.
On August 4, 2007 in Burlington Vermont, I changed. My family and I packed up and moved 2,000 miles to Vero Beach, Florida. It was and still is the hardest thing that's ever happened to me. Before I moved I put nothing into perspective. I never seemed to care much about anything besides my social life. I seemed to be so oblivious that I used to think I was "cool" to not get good grades. I envy every kid that did well in school because the thing is, I could have well too. I just didn't apply myself, and apparently the journey down south is the thing I needed to help get things straight.
With nothing to hold me back now, I was finally able to open my eyes and see the importance of education. I came back in one school year from a lousy 2.4 GPA and brought it up to a 2.9 and still rising. Seeing all the careless and thoughtless I made in my unprofessional years. As bad as things were then, I'm proud to say that I am finally taking the pride and care with my education that I need to succeed.
Not only has this change helped me academically, it has also helped me become a better person overall. I used to just do things just to have. I never cared really about anything but my self. Now though, I have come to be more grateful for what I have. I spend my afternoons working at a retirement home and that to say the least opens my eyes. The residents living here have gone through a lot in there live time. All of the residents have lost their parents and most have lost their partner and some even there children. Coming home after experiencing that, makes it easier to be grateful for the things that surround me.
As the change finally sets in, I became grateful and thankful for the new me. I see how the hardships and distress I had to overcome helped me in the end. I see the effects it has done to me every time I talk about my old self. And everything time I talk about my old self, I'm glad that there is a new me.
3. Why did you choose to apply to UCF?
There is one question everyone seems to want to know. "Where do you plan to go to school?" This question is an overall representation of how you plan to live your life. How seriously you take your future, and how you prepared for it. I for one answer this question with easy and with a solid response. "I will attend the University of Central Florida."
Starting out my high school career living in Burlington Vermont, Florida seemed vague and very distant. Even then, I had heard word of the great education and experience that UCF has to offer. On quite a few accounts I had friends of mine coming up to me telling me about UCF. I decided to look into the school and sure enough, they were right. With an excellent academic record and an enthusiastic student body, UCF was clearly the school for me.
Taking a college visit the main campus in Orlando ignited another new found love for the place, the location. UCF is located in the middle of a beautiful and adventurous city. The whole design of the campus and buildings is what inspired me as well. All the buildings are beautifully designed and seem to flow seamlessly with each other. The school also includes many extracurricular activities that appeal to my interest. With a campus so vast and complex, it is a sure bet that the University of Central Florida is my main choice of attendance.
Along with visit to the campus, I got to take a look at the outstanding Bright House Networks Stadium. I want to part of the student culture and atmosphere shared in this stadium, and of course outside of it as well. To be able to route on the Golden Knights alongside thousands of my fellow colleagues would be a heartwarming experience by itself. I wish to one day be able to wear the monumental Gold and Black and call myself a Golden Knight.
At the end of the day, most kids want to get into college and get it over with. I on the other hand want to not just into college, I want to attend the University of Central Florida. To waste four years of your life on a not so good school is not a wise choice. That is why I plan to set my future in UCF's hands.
"My self" is one word: "myself."
Avoid using the pronoun "you" in formal academic writing. Try using "me," "I," or "one" instead.
Make sure you are only capitalizing proper nouns and the first words of sentences; for instance, "Gold" and "Black" shouldn't be capitalized.
In regards to content, I think they both answer their respective prompts nicely; your explanations are vivid and thorough, without exhausting your readers. Good work.
