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'moved to Taiwan in fourth grade' - personal statement


chowkiepowder 2 / 5  
Jan 5, 2012   #1
We strongly encourage you to submit a brief personal statement (250 to 500 words) as a way to get to know you as a person and more than a collection of classes and test scores. Relax, there are no wrong answers. But we do ask you to consider grammar, spelling and the content of what you wish to express. (491 words in total)

When I moved to Taiwan in fourth grade, I did not expect my life would change so drastically. In my first few years, I was displeased with the small size of the school and the few options that the school provided. Since my school in Taiwan was very different from my school in California, I struggled to fit in. In my elementary school, sometimes I threw tantrums out of the blue. However, I realized that throwing tantrums was not a way to solve problems. Thus, I turned to reading inspirational quotes and doing the things I loved, such as jogging and playing the piano. And quotes provided me boundless support.

As what Oprah Winfrey once said, "Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together." After reading this quote, I was immensely inspired. To me, duct tape represented school. While the light side represented positive points of the school, and the dark side represented the negative points. Seeing that I focused too much on the negative points, I turned to the positive points by looking at the bright side. And, eventually, I grew a lot in person. Like the students at my school, I became part of them: involved, devoted, and community-oriented. In my high school years, I served for UNICEF and Humane Society, where I had the opportunity to help the community. Being in UNICEF for four years and Human Society for five years, I realized I've always had a passion for community service. My mother once told me that people have two hands for a reason: one for helping yourself and other for helping the community. I realized the importance of giving back. Volunteering and taking action to better the world not only made the world happy, but also made me genuinely happy.

I look back to when I was small; I always cried easily and had no confidence in myself. In school I was a silent person afraid to speak, fearing I will get rejected for what I say. When speaking publicly, I was a miniature ant surrounded by elephants. Yet through these experiences, I learned to tackle this fear by embracing my insecurities. Fighting the insecurities would give them more power. So, to embrace my insecurities, I volunteered as a Bilingual Department Database announcer, challenging myself to speak on the intercom everyday. That experience became one of the most rewarding experiences. Through this volunteer work, I began to crave the excitement of speaking publicly, realizing the importance of taking action.

Through the amounts of times I have spoken publicly, and through my experiences helping the community, I was determined to spread awareness to the community. Whether it is saving stray dogs or saving the lives of children, and whether it is instructing people on morals and ethics or being the vice president of the class, I realized the importance of taking action to better the world.
crystal77 8 / 13 1  
Jan 5, 2012   #2
When I moved to Taiwan in fourth grade, I did not expect my life would change so drastically. In my first few years, I was displeased with the small size of the school and the few options that the school provided. Since my school in Taiwan was very different from my school in California, I struggled to fit in. In my elementary school, sometimesI sometimes threw tantrums out of the blue . However, I realized that throwing tantrums was not a way toof solving problems . Keeping myself busy, I turned to reading inspirational quotes and doing the things I loved, such as jogging and playing the piano,Andand I have to say that reading quotes provided me with boundless support.

As what Oprah Winfrey once said, "Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together." After reading this quote, I was immensely inspired. To me, duct tape represented school. While the light side represented positive points of the school, and the dark side represented the negative points. Seeing that I focused too much on the negative points, I turned to the positive points by looking at the bright side. And, eventually, I grew a lot as person. Like the students at my school, I became part of them: involved, devoted, and community-oriented. In my high school years, I served for UNICEF and Humane Society, where I had the opportunity to help the community. Being in UNICEF for four years and Human Society for five years, I realized I've always had a passion for community service. My mother once told me that people have two hands for a reason: one for helping yourself and other for helping the community. I realized the importance of giving back. Volunteering and taking action to better the world not only made the world happy, but also made me genuinely happy.

I look back to when I was small; I always cried easily and had no confidence in myself. In school I was a silent person afraid to speak, fearing I will get rejected for what I say. When speaking publicly, I was a miniature ant surrounded by elephants. Yet through these experiences, I learned to tackle this fear by embracing my insecurities. Fighting the insecurities would give them more power. So, to embrace my insecurities, I volunteered as a Bilingual Department Database announcer, challenging myself to speak on the intercom everyday. That experience became one of the most rewarding experiences. Through this volunteer work, I began to crave the excitement of speaking publicly, realizing the importance of taking action.

Through the amounts of times I have spoken publicly, and through my experiences helping the community, I was determined to spread awareness to the community. Whether it is saving stray dogs or saving the lives of children, and whether it is instructing people on morals and ethics or being the vice president of the class, I realized the importance of taking action to better the world.

Good opening, however consider a more intriguing one, it might be lacking that extra boost. If you want to differentiate yourself from any other person that has moved like you you should definitely accentuate your writing a little bit more. A more intriguing opening should be suitable, you defnitely want to catch the readers attention.


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