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I moved to Tolleson, Arizona; Science and technology/My bio


cyberwarrior 1 / -  
Nov 26, 2010   #1
Can someone help me edit my essay or give me some tip of what I should add. Thank you

We are interested in learning more about you and the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors caused you to grow? (800 word limit) *

Science and technology have always been my passion. As a child, I asked my parents questions about the day and night, the sun, and the stars. I was also interested in how my toys worked, so I disassembled them to learn more about them. Years have passed, and I still enjoy the same things, but to a broader scale. Now, I enjoy learning about computers and robotics.

My greatest interest in technology took root when I moved to Tolleson, Arizona and met a friend in 7th grade. He introduced me to an online game called "Runescape." He told me that I should play it, so I did. I played this game for many years and observed how it was made. I became very curious as to how developers were able to make such a fun game. I eventually stopped playing the game and decided that I wanted to learn how to make games such as "Runescape." At that time, I thought that I wanted to become a game developer, but since the game was played on a website, I decided to learn how to code my own website first. To learn how to make websites, I bought a book called "Creating Web Sites Bible," and used the power of the internet to learn. I was learning a lot of new things everyday. I didn't want to stop learning.

In 2008, I went to my parents' hometown "Apulco, Jalisco, Mexico." My uncles in Mexico knew that I was learning how to create websites. They told me that I should try to create a website for Apulco. So when I came back from vacation, I created "apulco." I felt good about this website, because it made people from Apulco happy. It meant a lot to them. This was my first real project. From this, I learned many languages such as HTML, CSS, PHP, and MySQL.

Around the same time, I created "clubfuenteazul," a website where my younger brother plays soccer. The soccer club's name is Fuente Azul and has over 100 kids from ages 6 to 17. This is where I have done most of my community service. Every week I create many charts and game schedules for the club's different age groups. I also go to the soccer games to take pictures for the website. The website was created to keep track of the upcoming games and the history of the soccer club.

2008 was also the year when I started learning about electronics hardware. I had a PSP, a gaming console, and was curious of how it was made. Just for fun, I opened it, disassembled it, looked at the parts, and reassembled it. I felt good that it worked when I put it back together. One day, my friend's PSP stopped working, and he asked me if I could repair it. So I bought new parts online and fixed it. Again, I felt great satisfaction to be able to make it work.

In 2009, I was learning more about computers. I got tired of my slow computer so I built my own. I searched on Google on how to build computers, and when I was ready, I told my dad about my interest and asked him if he would buy me the computer parts. It was close to Christmas, and he didn't have money. He told me to wait after Christmas. I was so disappointed because at that moment, I was anxious to build it. Luckily, my dad understood my interest. The next day, he decided to give me the money to order the parts. He told me that it was my Christmas present. I was so excited when the parts arrived at my house that I started building it immediately. After building my computer, I built computers for my friends.

At the beginning of 2010, I joined a robotics team called "Team Caution - 1492." I learned most of what I know about technology from this team on which I had mentors who taught me a lot of their knowledge. During our robot building process, I learned about the hardware involved and developed a great understanding about how everything worked. Building the robot was one thing, but without the software, there was no way for the robot to work. This is the time when I had the opportunity to start learning programming with the team.

I will always learn technology. I will never stop learning because there is always new inventions waiting to be invented. Going to a top engineering university will make this possible. Who knows, maybe I will be the next person controlling the next robot exploration mission on another planet. Anything is possible.

Current word count: 774
hancc293 2 / 1  
Nov 27, 2010   #2
WOW i like your essay :) it is so fun and interesting :)
i don't really see anything wrong with it :D
i love how you have a great interest in how things are designed <3
very cool~
anyways when i read your essay, i could feel the excitement! so i am pretty sure no one would be bored of your essay! it sounds fun!
swtlildee 5 / 19  
Nov 27, 2010   #3
Nice! You've done a lot of really amazing things :)

I think what your essay could use more of, though, is emotion. You clearly have a love for science and tech, or else you wouldn't have done all of these things. However, I think if you conveyed your emotions and feelings with the language more, your essay would sound less like a descriptive listing of accomplishments and more like an...invigorating growth of passion. Something like that :P

I hope that helps!


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