We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)
The old universe is about to vanish for a new world to take its place. However, only for two hours and only in the reach of my TV. Movies completely absorb me, illicit the whole spectrum of feelings, and make me feel reborn after watching them. They can do this because for me dull reality is an extra in movies. For two hours the idea beats reality, and my love for ideas makes me watch movies often and enthusiastically. This is everything but escapism, since movies give me inspiration and energy for challenges in real life.
Please be harsh and let out your anger at an approaching deadline, so I can build up anger and let it on you essays ;)
The old universe is about to vanish for a new world to take its place.
This was confusing for me - maybe I don't get the reference? I don't watch a lot of TV/Movies
However, only for two hours and only in the reach of my TV.
I think "and only in the" sounds awkward...
Movies completely absorb me, illicit the whole spectrum of feelings, and make me feel reborn after watching them. They can do this because for me dull reality is an extra in movies.
Mention specific titles here - like 'make me feel blah like Movie Here'. That'll be more showing ish than telling.
For two hours the idea beats reality, and my love for ideas makes me watch movies often and enthusiastically. This is everything but escapism, since movies give me inspiration and energy for challenges in real life.
I don't like the last sentence. It just sounds like an (unnecessary) excuse.
Can you take a look at mine?
Everything was going okay until you suddenly mentioned "For two hours the idea beats reality..." You didn't say what ideas. Are those ideas presented in the movies? Ideas that you get from the movies? It was confusing, and threw me off.
Also, 100 words limit. That's brutal, guess you have to be really frugal with words. Perhaps consider revising the first sentence about old universe and new world. I can't really see where it fits in with the rest of the essay.
@ Nitin
the thought here is that once the movie starts I am no longer part of reality ( the old world) but part of the movie (the new world). The new world ends when the movie ends. And by idea I mean the principle of ideas, meaning something created by the mind in contrast to the environment, for example imagination.
Movies- "Tell us something you do for pleasure" MIT No.2
Please tell me what you think:
We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)
Every evening a new universe is created in my living room. All I have to do is to start a movie and be absorbed by the world unfolding in front of my eyes. I am always fascinated by this world, even if the movie is terrible. Liberated from the boring constraints of reality, by creating a new environment the director's mind exerts its brutal force upon me. I love this purity not only because it lets me live impossible experiences and emerge cleansed, but also because it provides me with energy and motivation to further advance in real life.
Liberated from the boring constraints of reality, by creating a new environment the director's mind exerts its brutal force upon me.
This essay is grammatically incorrect. The first phrase must describe a subject that comes after the comma. You could say
Movies liberate me from the boring constraints of reality by creating a new environment the director's mind exerts its brutal force upon me.
Mind taking a look at my pomona essay?
Thanks for your suggestions, but please review the latest version.
because for me dull reality is an extra in movies. ---> awkward phrasing. Use film or cinema in place of movie sometimes because it gets repetitive. If you have the chance, please review my chemistry teacher essay. Thanks!
How about: as soon and the movie starts I am absorbed by the world unfolding infront of my eyes.?
Every eveningcomma a new universe is created in my living room. All I have to do is to delete "to" start a movie and be absorbed by the world unfolding in front of my eyes. I am always fascinated by this world, even if the movie is terrible. Liberated from the boring constraints of reality, by creating a new environmentcomma the director's mind exerts its brutal force upon me. I love this purity not only because it lets me live impossible experiences and emerge cleansed, but also because it provides me with energy and motivation to further advance in real life.
Good job :) Just a few minor errors but you're good to go, otherwise!
Acutally, a major point of my essay is the power of mind and the purity.
Let me explain:
the mind is usually constrained by reality, but making a movie it can do whatever it likes, it is unfiltered by reality. This unfilteredness causes the raw power or purity. purity cleanses me and motivates me in real life. i will try out to make this clearer, but thanks to everybody, a great help.
Hmmm, so you're trying to get psychological?
I think what you need to do is think of what you are trying to say in intellectual terms instead of poetic. Poems are interesting, yes, but you need to get your point across plain and simple in this essay, and being poetic isn't going to do that. Talk like a nerd! Use big words! Get right to the point and talk about the main point of your essay, don't just dance around it. You've only got 100 words, make them count!
brutal sounds weird compared to the other words in the essay. choose a less harsh word.
when reading it, it sounds like movies are an escape to you, not necessarily a "cleanser". and "purity" makes it sound almost holy or reverential. is that accurate?
I'm not sure I agree with your progression of thought. You talk about how you can immerse yourself in a movie, but at the very end, relate it to advancing yourself in real life. The jump seems a little unnecessary and random to me. I would just try to focus on how you can immerse yourself in movies. I offer a mere suggestion - it is up to you whether you want to follow my advice.
Good luck!
i like your revised version. i think it conveys how much you enjoy your movie time and how it takes you to another world. i like it.
if you have time, can you check out my essays again? i revised them!
thanks,
Sarah
I think your revised version is much better. However, the word "purify" in the last sentence seems like an incredibly strange word to use; it doesn't make any sense in context. But this new version is sooooo much better than the original, so be happy about that. :)
It is a great essay, much better than when it started. Just tighten up some loose ends and you'll be on your way!
This is a great essay indeed. But it may be too complex, considering its purpose. I think replacing sophisticated words with their simplier analogues would improve it even further.
I like the revised essay, my only quip is that it does seem a little gaudy for talking about movies, but if that is really how you feel then there is nothing inherently wrong with it.
