Moving to Jamaica --- Common application essay

'Moving to Jamaica' - Hofstra Autobiographical Essay

Although things in my life have not always gone how I have planned, I believe I have led a meaningful life so far. I was born on August 2, 1994 to Anne Campbell and Fitzroy Whyte in Kingston, Jamaica. I resided in Jamaica until I was four years old. In 1998 I moved to live with my mom in the USA. While in the US I attended Rosedale kindergarten and Northern Parkway elementary school. At the start of my freshman year of Lawrence Road middle school my mother announced to me that I would be moving back to Jamaica to complete my Secondary education. I was distraught as I could not imagine leaving my entire life behind in New York to live with my grandparents who I barely remembered. The move to Jamaica was something that I never saw coming and I honestly believed it would stop me from achieving my dreams.

Shortly after arriving in Jamaica I was enrolled in Quest preparatory school where I spent one year before moving on to St. Andrew High School for girls. After being accepted into St. Andrew High I wasn't as enthusiastic as my grandparents were. I saw the acceptance as a sign that I would be staying in Jamaica longer than I had expected. The first day at school was the worst as I couldn't fit in anywhere I went and the students made fun of my accent. Despite my numerous efforts one week later I was still the new kid who had no friends and had to sit by herself at lunch.

After a month of miserably counting down my time at St. Andrew I decided to audition for the cheer squad at school and to my shock I made the team. This gave me the first spark of hope that life wouldn't be as bad as I thought it would be as cheerleading reminded me of life in New York. It was while I was on the cheerleading team I met my two best friends Kelsey and Bria. The more involved I got in cheerleading the less I thought about life in New York. After realizing how much better life at school could be if I got involved in school activities I joined Key Club, Modern languages club and UNESCO.

As I became happier the relationship I had with my grandparents improved tremendously as I was no longer just living there, I was becoming a part of the family. They told me stories about our family history and culture while I introduced to them some aspects of my culture like movie theaters, game nights, Burgers etc. Around this time my relationship with my mother started improving as I was now able to try and understand her point of view.

Although things had gotten somewhat better at school I was still kind of an outcast as I often had strange Ideas or different beliefs than the other students. I would constantly have to be defending my ideas to them. It was at this point my mother reminded me that I should always try to see things from the other person's point of view as to them I was the one with weird views. After I began to be empathetic towards other students life got easier for me as I wasn't always on the defensive anymore I could state my opinion without outwardly saying I disagreed with their opinions which made a world of difference to them. To show me that I had finally found my place in the school a group of students wrote my name on posters saying "Go Renee the Jamerican" and raised it high after we won the all girls national cheerleading regionals.

I hope that in the future I will be able to achieve my goal of being a world renowned psychologist. I also hope that I can one day open a scholarship program for students who have big dreams and excel academically but are being hindered by their financial situation. I hope that I will always be there to offer advice or simply listen to those who need it. I hope to one day be a worldwide motivational speaker to show others that no matter the obstacle you may face you should not let it stop you from achieving your goals. Most importantly I hope that in the future I will have an impact on at least one individual's life.

From the experience of moving to Jamaica I learned a lot about who I am. I learned that I am strong and resilient. I learned that in the future I want to be someone who can be proud of all I believe in. Moving to Jamaica has been beneficial to me as not only will it not stop me from reaching my goals but now I know exactly what I want to be with my life. Moving to Jamaica shaped me into the person I am today. My life so far has been filled with good moments, bad moments and in between moments, but I have no regrets.

I don't think you should should include the last sentence because it's an obvious statement.

But other then that, good overall.

It can be challenging to write an auto biography because you have to give details about what happened in your life, but also you explain how you felt along the way. You do this well. There are a few places where this can be fixed up a little.

This gave me the first spark of hope that life wouldn't be as bad as I thought it would be as cheerleading reminded me of life in New York. This sentence is a run-on, it needs to be re-worded.

After realizing how much better life at school could be if I got involved in school activities I joined Key Club, Modern languages club and UNESCO.

Instead you could say: "I realized that school life could be so much better if I got involved in activities, so I joined..."

As I became happier the relationship I had with my grandparents improved tremendously as I was no longer just living there, I was becoming a part of the family. You say "as I" twice in this sentence. You should say the same thing, but in a different way.

After I began to have empathy towards other students

I hope that in the future I will be able to achieve my goal of being a world renowned psychologist. This statement pops up with no introduction, you should add a little info about what made you interested/ inspired in psychology.

You are a very good writer, you story is enjoyable to read, and it is obvious you will be very successful. Good luck in school!