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Moving to the Philippines - NTU: event or incident you have encountered personally

jtjt99 2 / 2 1  
Jan 18, 2020   #1

NTU application essay

Hi! this is a response to one of the application questions. Please feel free to tell me how it is :)

Each time my family would move to a different country, it would have a meaningful impact on me. Moving to different countries allowed me to learn a lot through meeting people and experiencing the culture. Moving to the Philippines at the age of three open up my eyes to poverty. Every morning, on the way to school, I would drive by a highway and under it was slums with kids similar to my age at the time. This was my first memorable sight of poverty. Seeing them play under those conditions made me realize my privilege and later motivated me in the future to give back. Moving to Cambodia at the age of eleven had taught me to understand the culture. Cambodia is filled with decades of dense history. Visiting places such as Angkor Wat and the Killing Fields allowed me to understand that behind every new building and monument is suffering. I started to appreciate the hard work and dedication as I trust that towards the end, it will be worth it. Lastly, living in Indonesia taught me about positivity. From my time there, I have met a lot of people; from drivers to security guards to teachers. Each one of them carried an aura of positivity and kindness. These are events that shape me to be the person I am today.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,088 3251  
Jan 18, 2020   #2
What is missing in this essay is the actual impact of how these immersive experiences on you as a person. Sure it opened your eyes to your privilege and the poverty around you. It is great that you decided that these eye openers motivated you to give back in the future. Guess what? The future is now. How have these experiences made you a more socially conscious person? What have you done to help you achieve the goal of helping these people? We are talking about a lack of sociocivic activities in your essay that help define the development of your maturity based on observations and life experiences. The The developed character part is weakened by the lack of reference as to how you actually used the experience to become a better person.

Exposure + Experience + Doing something about it = Personal Growth / Maturity

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