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Moving to a positive direction of intellectual curiosity - FSU Essay


Skatertim10 1 / -  
Oct 31, 2008   #1
Could you please provide feedback as to the content, context, and mechanics of my essay? And would this essay be good to use for my common app essay?

Prompt:
For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University. Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.

My Essay:
In a world where it's so easy to follow others, imitating their actions and taking on their beliefs, I have fought to define myself as an individual. Doing so, I have come to recognize my greatest assets and overcome my greatest flaws. Rather than leave my past behind me, I embrace it as a tool for intellectual reflection and expansion; learning from my mistakes and building upon my accomplishments. I strive to move in a positive direction of intellectual curiosity by trying new things, meeting new people, and exploring new places and ideas.

Intellectual strength, I feel, is the ability to open-mindedly question previous beliefs and ideas as a means of seeking truth and understanding in life. When you understand something, you are able to develop your own ideas about it. My ideas are oftentimes able to provoke change when shared with others and sometimes even inspire new ideas on their behalf. For me, there is no greater form of self-satisfaction than the knowledge that I inspired somebody, for each person I inspire can create further progress towards the betterment of society. Happiness through inspiration, I feel, is a trait that defines me as an individual; it gives meaning and purpose to my life and sets a direction for me to head towards.

Along with the impact I have on others, my passions help to shape my personality. I longboard because it frees my mind from negative thoughts and I draw and shoot photography because it helps me see the beauty in nature and the world alike. Music provides inspiration for my thoughts and puts me in a positive mood, from which I am better able to resist despair and let my true character shine through. When I follow my passions I am able to function at my fullest potential and have the greatest impact on the world around me.

Another part of who I am is the moral codes and values that I stand and live by. It's my ability to remain honest and genuine in the face of judgment and injustice. Moral strength is the ability to stand by your beliefs and do what is right in your heart, even when it conflicts with the "social codes" or with what other people tell you. Throughout high school, my moral codes were questioned by those around me and put the test of a "peer pressure" unlike any I was ever warned about. By rising above these obstacles, I am stronger now than ever before, both morally and as a person overall.

By not following in the footsteps of anybody else, I am able to pave my own path and lead my own life. My experiences have allowed me to progress intellectually and develop my own ideas; through which I am able to leave an impact on those around me and society as a whole. My passions and moral codes have set me apart as an individual and helped create a legacy by which people will remember me.
EF_Team5 - / 1,586  
Nov 1, 2008   #2
For clarification and to further organize your essay, try using the actual words of their philosophies in your essay. For example, use the word "Mores" in the section at the end where you talk about your moral codes. Other than that and the few suggestions inside the essay, I think you've got a good piece. I think it will make a fine common app response. Good work!


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