'Moving to Texas' - achievement, risk or ethical

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

I believe that there are many experiences that shape one's life, and there were none greater than when my mother moved my sister and me from Wisconsin to Texas over five years ago. My mother did this because she wanted a better life for her children. Without a doubt, she got a better life for us. In Texas, I gained a stronger respect for my peers because it seemed as though people were more kind and willing to lend a helping hand, this was certainly not the case in Wisconsin. Respect is something that everyone wants. However, in order to gain respect, you must first give it.

Moving to Texas turned out for the best though. The diversity made me form a new way of thinking to my everyday thought process. Since my relocation to Texas, I have been able to participate in extracurricular activities such as basketball, football and track and field; while maintaining my academic status as an Honor Roll student. I believe that the vast cultural difference from Wisconsin to Texas was a key factor. These cultural differences were key factors that allowed me to broaden my horizons and see that less time during frivolous things and more time spent focusing on my on academics will help me to excel and be a knowledgeable and productive member of society one day.

How did the cultural differences help you focus on academics? Broadening your horizon doesn't mean you automatically become more studious and do extra activities.

Also, your first line is lackluster. It should be shape your life, not "one's life," since you start describing an experience of your own later. You can also take out the "I believe." We know it's your opinion, and in any case most people already know this.

Thanks a lot. I totally understand you.