Forgive the pun in my title. I can't help myself.
So here's my response to Stanford's first supplement question:
"Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development."
At the end of my sophomore year in high school, my family moved back to my home town, New Orleans. I had moved plenty of times before and never enjoyed it. So I was unhappy with the idea, especially since I figured the stress of a new school would probably be a death sentence academically.
The truth was that I actually had mediocre grades for my first two years of high school, and ironically, the move actually improved them. My first high school was a massive and competitive public school in a suburb of Washington DC where tons of very intelligent and successful students went. I figured that I could never compete with any of them so I remained lazy and generally unmotivated. Sure I got mostly B's and took a few advanced math classes, but I certainly didn't have high aspirations for the future. I wanted to do better, but I figured that I just wasn't quite as smart as some of the others in my class.
After two years of this, I found myself at a new school and realized that this gave me an opportunity to start anew. I could shed my previous laziness and try to become one of those people that were always too smart to compete with. So I did. I began my junior year promising myself that I would try as hard as I could to succeed. I took difficult classes and did whatever it took to ace them, and at the end of the year I surprised everyone, even myself, with my success. All it took to be like those geniuses from my old school was motivation. I was no smarter than I was before, just more mature.
Earlier this month, I was watching a movie with a small child I was babysitting, and one of the characters said, "It's amazing what you can do if you try!" I chuckled to myself. Here was a talking frog telling some kid what took me sixteen years and move to discover. Too bad I didn't watch this movie four years ago.
Please critique this essay as harshly as you see fit. Any help is better than none. Also, feel free to ask me to look over any of yours. I'd be happy to help out, especially with grammar.
Your essay definately tells a story. I would add more about how changing from school to school made you focused more on your education though. There's also some places you should check for grammer errors. Try to bring your point across as much as possible. The conclusion doesn't have say much about your overall story. The title I would also changed, you want something that sounds motivational like "Finding my way" or "From schools to school." Other than that, your essay is quite good and needs room for improvement.
