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MSU personal statement "How has your environment influenced you?"


papasmurf 2 / 4  
Sep 28, 2009   #1
I already have the grades and ACT scores to get in, so I'm just wondering if you guys think this could land me a scholarship or if it's just too immature or cliche.

I live in the essence of suburbia: family friendly subdivisions filled with cookie cutter Mcmansions stretched out over a flat expanse that is nearly indistinguishable from the surrounding sprawl. There are SUVs in every driveway, and generic strip malls at every intersection. My surroundings serve as a reminder that most people would describe Macomb Township as unassuming at best. Nevertheless, if someone was to take a closer look at my home environment, he or she would discover that being exposed to cultural diversity while living in the midst of conformity can result in an open-minded teenager whose teenage self-consciousness masks a deep rooted desire to stand out.

As a result of my mom's Filipino heritage, I've been exposed to many aspects of the Filipino way of life such as unique food, customs, and ideas. However, I'll admit that I was not always as tolerant as I am today. When I was younger, I would have liked nothing more than to be like everyone else. It was "weird" when my mom spoke Tagalog, and I wondered why no one else had to deal with this kind of embarrassment. Over time though, I realized that my background is something unique that I can call my own, and I began to see it as less of a burden and more of an identity. After all, it is nice to be able to have tortas with rice once in a while as an alternative to pizza. I began to like the idea of having a genuinely unique identity. My upbringing has turned me into a more understanding person, and it has allowed me to realize that there isn't only one correct way of life.

This open-mindedness in combination with a pretty cushy life in Metro Detroit motivates me to seek out knowledge of the unknown. I constantly try to expand my knowledge of worldly issues. I sometimes find myself reading National Geographic magazines or watching the travel channel because a culture that I lack any understanding of has captured my interest.

Due to my open-minded curiosity of what life is like outside the bubble of Macomb Township, my plans for the future are not limited to living life from a narrow perspective among SUVs and strip malls. Through knowledge and experience, I hope to expand my view of the world.
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Sep 28, 2009   #2
My upbringing has turned me into a more understanding person, and it has allowed me to realize that there isn't only one correct way of life.

^Did the changing just come with time or did a certain event or chain of events make you more understanding?

I'm just wondering if you guys think this could land me a scholarship or if it's just too immature or cliche.

^It's not immature and not really cliche but it doesn't really stand out. The strongest part of your essay was the introduction but the rest of the essay rolls downhill mainly because there was no more fuel to keep it going.
OP papasmurf 2 / 4  
Sep 28, 2009   #3
Sorry, the topic is "how has your environment influenced your plans/aspirations for the future?"
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Sep 28, 2009   #4
Due to my open-minded curiosity of what life is like outside the bubble of Macomb Township, my plans for the future are not limited to living life from a narrow perspective among SUVs and strip malls. Through knowledge and experience, I hope to expand my view of the world.

^This is way too broad. I don't think that there is one person out there who does not seek to expand his or her view of the world.


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