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"A Mug of Bliss" - Yale supplement essay help, should I submit this?

anishab 1 / 3  
Oct 11, 2010   #1
I noticed that Yale has a required second essay, and I was thinking about submitting a piece that I wrote for AP Lang last year. It is a quirky piece in first person. We had to write about something that we believe in, without being cliche. I wrote about how I believe in hot chocolate, using hot chocolate as a metaphor for those moments when you have to step back, relax, and enjoy the simple pleasures of home before being swept up life's hectic whirlwind again. I was wondering how Yale might receive an essay like that? What are they looking for? This essay says a lot about my personality, but not necessarily about my hobbies/extra curriculars or even any sort of adversity I've faced and overcome. It's a very lighthearted essay, nothing super profound. Just wondering whether I should submit it or not.
kawsneffect 8 / 37  
Oct 11, 2010   #2
it would be nice if you post the actual essay so we can critique it
OP anishab 1 / 3  
Oct 11, 2010   #3
A Mug of Bliss

I believe that happiness dwells in a mug of hot chocolate. Whether it be home-made, from a tin, or even from a packet of Swiss Miss, no person is irritable who sips on a mug filled to the brim with this liquid delight. This I believe with all my heart, and also with the solid assurance of my taste buds. Hot chocolate is the cure to any ailment. Just as war is synonymous with despair, wherever there is joy, friendship, and peacefulness, a person can rest assured that hot chocolate will be found there as well.

However, no mug of hot chocolate is complete without marshmallows. A true hot chocolate connoisseur is someone who bravely dips her tongue into a scalding mug to scoop out the marshmallows, undaunted by the inevitable messiness of the task. As the tantalizing puffs of sugar melt in her mouth, she realizes that it is impossible to take life too seriously when her nose is covered with marshmallow fluff.

Yet, the most wonderful quality about hot chocolate is the steadfastness it elicits from its patrons. I could have a million things to do-assignments to finish, or places to go-but when I pour myself a piping hot mug of this enticing substance, nothing is so compelling that it distracts me from my main purpose: to drain that mug completely of every drop and every elusive bit of chocolaty residue. When the daily demands of school or work tangle up my mind with dates and to-do lists, hot chocolate is the faithful friend who keeps me grounded and reminds me of the simple, inimitable pleasures of home.

I believe in sipping slowly and savoring each sip, postponing that lugubrious moment when I raise the mug and nothing trickles down. With each dainty sip, the scent of rich chocolate nostalgia wipes my mind of all thoughts and worries, and the soothing feel of the warm ceramic penetrates through my sweater and calms my rapidly beating heart. Sipping slowly is crucial, because as long as hot chocolate remains in the mug, I can linger by the window, a cheerful spectator to the day's events. The moment the mug is empty, I must reluctantly leave my perch to be swept up into the hectic whirlwind of life.

That said, what hot chocolate in a plastic to-go cup will never have the same charm. Seeing people hurrying to and fro with these second-rate contraptions, the precious hot chocolate spilling out onto their fingers and shoes with every bounce of their step, I can't help but feel unfulfilled. A steaming hot mug necessitates the careful positioning of oneself on the cushiest couch available, the throwing of a patchwork quilt over one's weary form, and the added accessory of a book to read, a sappy movie to watch, or a friend to banter with. The concept of hot chocolate to-go simply isn't compatible with these needs.

Perhaps my fervent love for traditional hot chocolate in a mug stems from a desire to counteract the unpredictable nature of life. Dissatisfied with life's erratic ways, I have sought some sense of stability, some pillar of constancy to lean on. For me, hot chocolate is that pillar. Though I can never hope to know what surprises tomorrow may bring, I believe without a shred of doubt that a steaming mug of hot chocolate will never fail to brighten my day, provide me with solace from life's occasional pandemonium, and open my eyes to the often overlooked opportunities for joy that surround us all.

That's the essay ^ I have to shorten it by about 100 words, but I can do that later. Right now, I just want to know if it works as a Yale supplement essay. There is no topic for that essay, it just says tell them something about yourself that they can't find on your application.
kawsneffect 8 / 37  
Oct 11, 2010   #4
i like it. it is very descriptive. this essay is somewhat personal (you and the comparison to coffee). there are a few unnecessary sentence you can take out. ill let you figure that out on your own lol. overall excellent piece of work. hope you get into yale

best of luck
iceui2 - / 70  
Oct 14, 2010   #5
Definitely reveals a lot about your personality and who you are. I would say go for it.
simbamaxxed 5 / 59  
Oct 14, 2010   #6
I would DEFINETELY submit it.You could have said exactly the same thing in a bland and boring way,but instead you chose to intersperse your ideas with the love of something as simple as chocolate.I believe this could work in your favour and set you apart.

I think the second paragraph is the most crucial because it summarises the entire crux of the essay,so when you cut it down,try to keep that part in full.You write very well:)goodluck with your yale application!
dfdfdf 3 / 5  
Oct 14, 2010   #7
i love it. shows your fun loving personality as well as your determination to savor the little things in life. great essay, can't imagine if this is your supplement what your actual essay is like!!!! would greatly appreciate some critique on my common app essay from you!
MoeMoe1 13 / 75  
Oct 14, 2010   #8
Wow you just gave me a new way of writing ha! I like how you reeled me in with the hot chocolate and apply that principal for the main purpose of the essay man!

Good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Oct 14, 2010   #9
Opportunities to cut out excess:
...the soothing feel of the warm ceramic penetrates through my sweater and calms my rapidly beating heart.

life's occasional pandemonium,

Nice! Wow, this one is really nice to read.

I hope you check out

essayforum.com/ef-contributor-page/ --- EssayForum Contributor Page

I'm going to link them to this essay.

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