I would appreciate any feedback of any kind. I especially wish to know if you think my essay is personal or not? Thanks!
Coming from the chaotic crowd were delicate hands holding Mulan programs, accompanied by young voices asking for autographs. With these voices came bright white flashes of the cameras pointed in my direction. At least in my mind, that's what it felt like. Most people would imagine that having a horde of people with pointed pens charging towards you would be a frightening situation, but at that moment, I was filled with surprise, glee and satisfaction. This is one memory that will be imprinted in my mind for the rest of my life: the night of my final musical performance.
Dressed in a fiery red costume with traditional Chinese make-up on, I had dazzled the crowd as the character Mushu from Disney's musical Mulan. Out of all the musicals in which I have partaken, I have to say that this one was the most unforgettable and significant. It gave me renewed hope to pursue my dream of being an actor one day. Prior to Mulan, I considered my aspirations of becoming a renowned star unreachable. However, experiencing the appreciation of the fascinated and impressed audience members seemed to bring my dream just within my grasp. In that moment, I felt like a movie star... I felt like someone important: someone that people would look up to.
The feeling of being a role model is a rare and precious gift not to be taken for granted. I consider it a privilege and responsibility - a sacred mandate that guides my life and promises a brighter future. I believe that the respect from the Mulan audience was a sign that I, myself, should never give up on my goals.
Post-Mulan, I simultaneously went through another moment of self-actualization, when I realized the warm fuzzy feeling I have in interacting with children. Since this production was geared toward children, many families came up to me and asked me for a photo with their kids after the performance. I was so amazed that the audience adored me! I was satisfied and content after my performance, but was not prepared for the heart-wrenching reaction from the children. The parents gave their kind compliments and their children were all seemingly star-struck, stupefied with blushing cheeks and open jaws. Their only other emotion were toothy smiles after I signed autographs for each of them. I believe I have a knack with children because my inner child is still alive and well within me, his existence fervently showing through in my life. Like a child, I enjoy pondering the good things in life for hours as well as living with exhilarating freedom. I express this side of myself most often when I'm with these children. Whether it is when I read to the children at the local Kindergarten I volunteer-work at, or when I joyously play hide-and-go-seek with my adorable cousins, I can always be myself.
Yet, being the quirky energetic character Mushu, I came to realize I am a lot more than just a child and a teen. When I graced the stage with back flips and summersaults, I discovered that I'm very adaptable and can be both mature and childish at the same time. I alter myself when talking to either adults and children and I think they both understand me very well. Learning the choreography for my character, for example, was difficult in action, but through the coaching of the Chinese acrobatic teacher, I matured, and I pulled through. With any obstacle, it takes understanding and time to overcome it, and with goals and a strong heart to achieve those goals, nothing will stand in the way. This furthers my intent of becoming either a teacher, public speaker or fulfilling my ultimate dream of becoming an actor.
Out of the whole cast of Mulan on that particular day, I was the most surprised out of everyone. I was recognized for the first time ever by the thunderous swarm of people offering their insight through their kind compliments and enthusiastic applauses on what my future entails. I learned more about my strengths and goals and watched my uncertain path brightened by the friendly faces that were captivated by my performance. Yet, I know I am far from my potential. I still have much room for growth. I'm sure with additional guidance and discovery, I will find the right path for me and succeed.
I will definitely be going around to help give feedback on your essays!!
First of all. Can you state the prompt? There 's also no world limit on this.
Coming from the chaotic crowd were delicate hands
You can change the passive to active here.
With any obstacle, it takes understanding and time to overcome it, and with goals and a strong heart to achieve those goals, nothing will stand in the way. This furthers my intent of becoming either a teacher, public speaker or fulfilling my ultimate dream of becoming an actor.
Redundant? - Show, don't tell.
Overall, there are some great parts. But, there is also a lot of extra material you might be able to get rid of.
Thank you Sam! The prompt is Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
and its common app so technically there is no word limit, but the word count is 784.
Are there any more errors that need fixing?
this is s great essay, i hardly noticed any grammar mistakes. and the content was very good, it shows how passionate you are about this, and also acting mulan is soemthing pretty big!
the only thing is that, like samuel said, you can get rid of a lot of stuff. U mention 'the audience and the crowd and their appreciation' too much. you can cut back a bit on that, and also you repeat them. you can include how your past has been with acting, and what your specific plans are. and u can also briefly talk about how the mulan act went itself. talk a bit more about how you came to be in the act and how much hard work u went through.
Graet essay!
good luck to you
can you give some final comments on this essay? thanks! dont hesitate to share your essays with me
