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"multi racial home" - family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

leeannjabez 1 / -  
Oct 12, 2009   #1
Growing up in a multi racial home has not only been a blessing but has provided me with seeing all the different wonders of world. My mother, born and raised in Dunnon, Scotland, and of the Scottish descent has introduced me to many amazing components offered in this world that not everyone gets to experience such as: Scottish curry, exciting techno music and unique Scottish lingo. And, though it can't get better than good food and cool music, even more I feel so grateful to have been able to have the opportunties to travel across the world the amazing countries in Europe. Scotland being my favorite, with the enchanted castles and thousands of years of history, it all seems to good to be true. Having a Scottish mother has helped me be more open minded to things, like high land dancing and different forms of government. Not only am I fifty percent Scottish but I'm also half Puerto Rican. My father, born and raised in Bronx, New York and is 100% Puerto Rican has also had a major impact on myself as an individual. New York is an extraordinary place that has introduced me to hip hop music, art and cross country running! My family history and culture has influenced who I am in too many different ways, from helping me work hard, appreciate education and be a well rounded person.

People in New York are hard working and aren't afraid to get their hands a little dirty to get where they strive to go, and I admire that to fullest extend. Watching my father's family has helped me understand the meaning of hard work and that things in life aren't just given to you. My father, also a veteran of Navy Marines, was not around often during my life because of his services, but it has just helped my strive to work hard and be successful, because of my father and his family I don't believe in limits, but instead I believe in going above and beyond, always.

Unfortunately, my mother did not finish her education as a teenage because of her obligations to stay at home to care for her younger brother and sisters. This has helped me appreciate education and how precious it really is. It has never been easy for me to receive good grades in school, but I have always took my education seriously and worked hard for my grades.

EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Oct 13, 2009   #2
Not bad, but you tend to simply list elements of your cultural background rather than to show in detail how these have affected you. Could you add some depth to your essay by singling out one or two items to talk about in more detail?

Also, "I have always taken my education seriously"
Aristae 2 / 6  
Oct 15, 2009   #3
Just one thing that I noticed, you probably want to provide smoother transitions for your paragraphs, it's easier for the reader to make connections that way.

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