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Multiculturalism/ Colgate Community/ What I hope to learn?


nightowl 3 / 4  
Jan 7, 2013   #1
We honor the many different forms of diversity in our community. Your perspective is valuable because it comes from your life experiences, family backgrounds, and culture. Please tell us about yourself, how you plan to share your perspective with the Colgate Community, and what you hope to learn from other members of the community.

I stride everyday through central streets of a city with eight million people. Breezes are rare, and the heat slides under shirts, exacerbating every struggle with life. Saigon's people might be tactless at times, but like small stubborn ants, they only overly persevere with their goals they set aside manners. Since they mostly are immigrants from other regions of Vietnam, difference inheres in their tastes of food, lifestyles, accents and ways of thinking. However, diversity never hinders them from embracing a deep connection at heart: sincerity, that reflects in the look of their eyes, in an offer to help, or the optimism that situations will always improve.

A young daughter of such culture, I carry its legacy. The only difference is, as I live out these heritages on strange lands, the optimism to realize the fullest of my potential will not remain groundless. An exploration of Colgate's multiculturalism will add width and depth to my perception of individuals from manifold backgrounds. More importantly, in a friendly while intellectually rigorous environment, I look forward to fostering an in-depth study about humans. The school's state-of-the-art facilities provide solid foundation for any researches; its small size empowers close interaction between the faculty and scholars. In utilizing these resources effectively, I will embark on my journey to academic fulfillment. 'The sky is the limit to what you can do.' - said Sanford I. Wells. I hope, with hard work and tenacity, my American Dream will come true at Colgate.

Please give me your thoughts on the flow of the essay and the connection of the two paragraphs, (I wonder if they are too loosely linked) and any grammatical errors too. :( I'll really appreciate your help.
whitezebra 7 / 20 3  
Jan 7, 2013   #2
I think your essay is very well written and flows nicely! It's very engaging and your language is quite descriptive! (:
OrcadianDander 3 / 9 3  
Jan 7, 2013   #3
Very nice essay, you're such a unique applicant.
If you want to improve the relationship between your paragraphs you could enhance the comparison between the people of your homeland and the students at Colgate (how they both work hard).


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