Walking in the campus of my high school, you could easily tell the students of the local division from those of the international division. Students of the local division wore T-shirts and jeans without anything gorgeous and never put on any make up. You could see them having lunch on their way to the library with heavy books under their arms. Serious topics like atomic physics or medieval art styles were usually what they talked about. On the contrary, those who dressed up shiningly with mini skirts or larger-than-usual pants were apparently from the international division. They made their lunch a picnic every day on the lawns in the campus, talking about the new arrivals of Louis Vuitton or the love affairs of their classmates.
I could say without any shame that I'm a member of the local division, which is one of the best local high schools in Shanghai or even in China. We are extremely proud of our academic achievements and good reputation. In our mind, the international division was only for those spoiled kids who had got wealthy parents and never struggle for their own future. But we knew that they were proud of themselves, too. They laughed at our outdated dressing and named us in various derogatory ways. There seemed to be a thick wall between us which could never be pushed over.
Once in a dancing competition, I got to know two girls from the international division of my school. After I told them what we local students thought of them politely, the girls looked surprised and said there must be some misunderstanding between us. They told me that most people in the international division really admired our intelligence and diligence. Though they might look light-hearted, they were all fighting for life. I was shocked. But after a few seconds, I decided to build a bridge across this wide gap.
Then came the LICO-----Local-International Cooperation Organization. At the time my friends and I founded it, there were only five members. We exchanged questions raised by one division about the other. After getting the answers from each other, people in both division were all surprised to find that what they had thought of each other was totally wrong. Local students had a sharp sense of fashion in fact and international students actually studied late into the mid-night. It was such a perfect beginning of my work that people were looking forward to more activities between the two divisions.
During the last two years, the LICO has launched over 20 campaigns, including talent shows, food exhibitions, speech contests, one-day life exchange, etc. So far, there are over 200 students from both divisions working with me to improve the communication between us. The huge magnetic field we made is absorbing more and more cultures, and thoughtful ideas are continuously sparkling. Bands and dancing groups were established together by people from the two divisions and they have won numerous prizes in national and international contests. People of totally different backgrounds never stop making influence on one another. Their study habits and life styles are all changing, as a result of the LICO, in a good way.
Now, whenever I see students from the two divisions talking and laughing like one big family, I feel proud and satisfied from the bottom of my heart. For once in my life, I have been a successful peace-maker who broke the ice!
Good afternoon :)
As you didn't include the prompt for this essay or what kind of assistance you are seeking, I have made some general comments.
First, avoid contractions in formal academic writing. For instance, "I'm" should be "I am."
Second, avoid beginning your sentences with transitory/conjunctive words such as "but."
Third, avoid abbreviations such as "etc." When making a list, complete this list.
Your essay is very organized, with a good intro and conclusion. Your content is well organized and flows nicely. It is very easy to read.
Regards,
Gloria
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