Stanford students are known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or experience that you found intellectually engaging.
Any criticism is appreciated. I don't really like my last paragraph but let me know what you think.
Music and Brainpower
My heart started racing and my mind went numb as I heard the string vibrating. I looked to Mr. Glymph, my teacher, as he bellowed, "Wrong note! You can't be a musician if you don't use all of your brain!" This identical routine persisted on for many months as I stumbled and Mr. Glymph screeched, but I continued to disregard his remarks and practice in my careless style.
When I was twelve years old, my musical dexterity increased exponentially. It was not due to a perfection of my technique or more practice, but rather, it was because I came across a short article on my computer's newsfeed that told me that Mr. Glymph was right. The article explained that medical research had shown that musicians utilize virtually all of their brain to perform. As I delved into this fieldwork, I found MRI images that displayed computational, linguistic, and creative centers of a musician's brain lighting up simultaneously. I realized that playing music is not a narrow specialty, but it is an amalgam of various subjects and ideas constructed into an artistic medium. My newfound gratitude of music opened my eyes not only to the correct approach of playing music but also to the expansive applications of science.
The knowledge I gained from that experience helped me to reform my casual approach to practice, and it also furthered my interest in scientific exploration. I found myself appreciating the science that is involved in daily life, and I now realize everything becomes easier with a 100% brainpower approach. Whether it was calculus, tennis, or even debate, all seemed effortless once I fixated my focus on that single activity. I had truly found the key to success, but most importantly, Mr. Glymph was proud to finally see me using all of my brain.I like how you combine music and scientific exploration! I think your last paragraph is fine.
I do think it would be better if you would use present tense at the end though, so you can show progression and show how you have changed since you have realized your interest in scientific exploration.
Also,
The knowledge I gained from that experience REFORMED my casual approach to practice
I would really appreciate it if you would help with mine as well!
@astrum72
First of all, thank you so much! I'll be sure to look at your essays. Is this a version of the last paragraph better?
The knowledge I gained from that experience reformed my casual approach to practice, and it also furthered my interest in scientific exploration. I find myself appreciating the science that is involved in daily life, and I now realize everything becomes easier with a 100% brainpower approach. Whether it is calculus, tennis, or even debate, all seems effortless once I fixate my focus on that single activity. I have truly found the key to success, but most importantly, Mr. Glymph is proud to finally see me using all of my brain.
@si1030
I think this is a very well-written essay, and it is a great answer to the prompt. The only thing I might suggest is about the first sentence; it doesn't really demonstrate that there was a wrong note, since the string vibrates for every note played, wrong or right. Overall, I thought it was really good already!
@si1030
Yes, I really like the changes you made, I think it's so much more effective than what it was before!!
