Prompt: Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (650 words or less)
Please give me feedback on my essay. The deadline for all colleges I'm applying to is on the 15th. I would appreciate any necessary revisions/suggestions, thanks.
I first picked up a violin at the age of seven. The delicate and bowed instrument felt utterly foreign in my hands. Throughout the years, however, my initial screeching sounds evolved into beautiful and pure melodies. Being a novice, I had faced physical and mental challenges while learning to play. I doubted my own capabilities; I did not believe I could develop into a skillful violinist that my parents envisioned me to be. Although I did take structured and rigorous private lessons for a year, I had to stop because they were getting too expensive for my parents to maintain. Eventually, I joined my middle school's orchestra in sixth grade and stuck with it for six years and counting. Reflecting now as a senior, I wholeheartedly believe that joining orchestra was one of the greatest decisions I've made in my life.
To start off, I have learned various imperative lessons while being a member of the orchestra community. One is that through hard work and dedication, the violin can become a means of creative self-expression and display a familiar extension of myself. Second, I couldn't help but notice how different we all were, and yet how much we had simply shared in common: love and appreciation for music. Conversely, I've met new students in my intermediate class during my freshmen year that had only joined because their parents forced them to. Fast forward to three years later and they still stuck with it. I once asked one of my classmates why he decided to stay and he said, "I don't know, it's fun and I just feel like I belong here." With that revelation in mind, I realized that we are a family, a family that understands each other and experiences the universal language of music collectively. Third, what makes an ensemble sound stupendous is committed, consistent practice by each player on their own time; nobody is born an expert. Through my arduous hours spent practicing outside the classroom alone, along with trying to harmonize pitches and staying in tempo with fellow members, I've learned the importance of coordination, discipline, and commitment. Hearing the final product of a piece and the audience roaring with applause is a blissful and rewarding moment like no other. Team work is what helped us guide each other during rehearsals and an aspect I've come to greatly value. Lastly, performing in front of large crowds with my violin is what gradually turned my stage-fright into self-confidence.
I plan on continuing to play the violin even in college and perhaps even audition for an orchestra ensemble. My violin is the instrument I turn to in times of stress and in times of joy. Playing has been a passion that I do not ever see fading because it has been an integral part of my growing years, a symbol of cooperation and companionship, and my own strengths, weaknesses and perseverance.
I feel your answer is more aligned with the question that asks to which community you belong to or your extra-curricular activity. In this prompt which is aimed at knowing the background which is so central to you, you need to tell them things that finally make up you as a person. You talk about your passion for music and your love for the instrument, violin. But they do not seem to make you up as a person. If you intend to stick to this, then at least you need to have yourself in the center and tell them how your life or personality been shaped by this passion.
