Music: elaborating on an extracurricular-feedback!

i'd appreciate any input, whether it be on grammar, content, or anything else you can think of! i'm not sure whether the second sentence is run-on or not, so if you are a punctuation buff then please criticize!

right now, it's exactly 150 words.

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

I always knew music would be a big part of me. I started violin lessons at age four, and though I did not particularly enjoy them, the weekly assignments and practice quotas taught me discipline and structure while ensemble with my 3 siblings (my father deemed us the "Corrigan Quartet") taught cooperation and compromise. It wasn't until later that I discovered harp- and fell in love. I began lessons and progressed quickly. Although as I advanced the work I had to accomplish became harder, I enjoyed it more and more. The angelic sound, the sheer grandeur- the harp had an alluring quality that attracted both my listeners and myself. Daily practice was less a chore and more a privilege. Today, as a diligent player for 7 years, I take pleasure in performing at weddings, nursing homes, and just for family and friends, sharing my joy in something I'm passionate about.

(ps, corrigan is my last name so that's why we're the "corrigan quartet"..
just incase that didn't make sense)

Instead of using the first sentence, I'd start the essay with "I started violin lessons at age four."
It would give an interesting start. It would also make the second sentence look nicer, which right now seems a bit cumbersome.


a vague phrase.


I'm not sure, but did you use the word "ensemble" correctly here? I mean, grammatically?
I don't know a lot of grammar; maybe, that's why it seemed a bit weird to me.

I think I agree. OR, as an alternative, you can look to see the main idea of the whole thing.. the meaning. Give a thesis statement in place of that boring first sentence. Give a thesis statement that the reader will enjoy and remember... one that conveys the theme you want to convey in these 150 words.


Hey, this is very good!! You write well...
It sounds nice to say 'my listeners and myself' but I think it is more correct to say 'my listeners and me.' YET, I really like your way better! I think it may actually be correct.