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"Music was my refuge." - georgetown


crystal77 8 / 13 1  
Jan 10, 2012   #1
Q: Other than fashion what medium(s) do you choose for self-expression and why?

Music: (Living on the Gospel)
"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness", Maya Angelou. Like many people, music has always been one of my passions; a substance of power determined by how well I communicate it to other people. I can honestly attest to the vast greatness of music's impact on my life. With music came song, and with a song I would sing.

Branching from past experiences I always enjoyed singing and entertaining others. It was the only time other than in school where I stood out as a true genius; knowing my vision, having a desire, and demonstrating commitment and persistence. Knowing that everybody listened to music I was able to engage myself in my High School's Gospel Choir. Nonetheless I often felt limited and left-out because I disengaged my self from other types of music, music specifically geared towards materialistic ideals. In essence a lot of people have talent but instead of using it to honor God they use it for their own pleasure, pleasing worldly values.

Music is a universal language implemented to convey emotion that ministers to your needs in a therapeutic fashion. Every touch of a verse or hit of a note, every strum of a string or tap of a beat, every tat of a drum or strike of a symbol essentially represents who you are. In my opinion the world involuntary revolves around music; we hear it 'everyday', wherever we go, in which many permit the art into their lives.

Suggestions change if you want to edit alot plz, punctuation!
kayleighlevitt 5 / 8  
Jan 10, 2012   #2
Music: (Living on the Gospel) This is an unclear title.
Maya Angelou said, "Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness". Like many people, music has always been one of my passions; a substance of power determined by how well I communicate it to other people.<-- That sentence is wordy. I would break it up into three and clarify what you mean. I can honestly attest to the vast greatness of music's impact on my life. With music came song, and with a songinsert a comma I would sing.

Branching from past experiences I always enjoyed singing and entertaining others. It was the only time other than in school where I stood out as a true geniusI would just say "where I stood out." Because calling yourself a genius is kind of awkward sounding. ; knowing my vision, having a desire, and demonstrating commitment and persistence. Knowing that everybody listened to musicinsert comma I was able to engage myself in my High School's Gospel Choir. Nonethelessinsert comma I often felt limited and left-out because I disengaged my self from other types of music, break up this sentence. Dont just go off on lists. These are several different ideas in one sentence, which loses the reader. Schools look for clarity above all else because it shows you can organize your thoughts music specifically geared towards materialistic ideals. In essenceinsert comma a lot of people have talent but instead of using it to honor God they use it for their own pleasure, pleasing worldly values.I would just reword that sentence to say:"In essence, talent can be used to honor God or for their own pleasure. Most often, it is the latter.

Music is a universal language implemented implemented is used out of context here. I would suggest using the word "used" to convey emotion that ministers to your needs in a therapeutic fashionjust say therapeutically . Every touch of a verse or hit of a note, every strum of a string or tap of a beat, every tat of a drum or strike of a symbol essentially represents who you are. "Every note, every strum, every verse, every beat, everything about music represents the essence of who you are." That is a possible suggestion. If you dont use that suggestion, do change it because it doesnt flow well. In my opinion the world involuntary revolves around music; we hear it 'everyday'That should not be in quote marks. , wherever we go, in which many permit the art into their lives.I would delete that sentence and make the last sentence tie together why it is a form of your self expression. Maybe you could say, "Music is my way of honoring myself, life, and God. It is the essence of who I am."

I hope that helps!!!


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