MUSIC AND VOLUNTEERING; PRINCETON SUPP; TWO SUMMERS/VACATIONS

if you could look at this, thank you thank you!

May 18 to 24 of 2012 was definitely unforgettable. Although I had missed a week of school, going to British Columbia with Toronto Symphony Youth Orchestra for a music tour was an experience that I would not have missed for anything. This tour celebrated the parting of our beloved maestro, Alain Trudel, and it was the ultimate highlight of my 5-year involvement in TSYO. In Vancouver, TSYO collaborated with Vancouver Youth Symphony Orchestra, and although we had never met before, the members of both TSYO and VYSO were in sync from the very first note and I was amazed; through music, TSYO and VSYO were already a family. At our sold-out concert at Chan Centre, our joint performance of Glinka's Russlan & Ludmilla was exhilarating and the feeling that I got after making eye contact with my VYSO stand partner and smiling gave me chills. From the after parties to late game nights with delivered pizza to windy ferry rides to Victoria and Nanaimo, everything about this tour was about bonding with new peers who shared common interests and experiencing a new environment. From this trip, not only did I gain new friendships and experiences, but I also learned how to develop independence.

During the summer of 2012, I started volunteering at the Hyperbaric Medicine Unit at Toronto General Hospital. Going into this opportunity, I had no idea what hyperbaric treatment was except that it included enormous cylindrical oxygen tanks that patients went into. During this experience, I didn't just learn the description and significance of hyperbaric treatment. I also learned proper telephone verbiage and further improved my time management skills as I was expected to book appointments, create triages for new patients, and send reports to patients' doctors. With this placement, I learned to speak a new specialized language, one that allowed patients to receive information regarding hyperbaric treatment. I learned to distinguish those who would benefit from this treatment such as those with superficial ulcers due to diabetes from those who wouldn't such as those with internal brain damage. Working one on one with the doctor at the clinic allowed me to learn directly from him and I felt as those I was an intern who followed him into the assessment rooms and was taught the process of testing oxygen delivery sites and taking swabs of injured sites. Overall, this placement was a profound experience that expanded my interest in different branches of medicine.

Do you meant 2011? Your title says two summers, so I just wanted to check.


five - write out the number


very long sentence - consider shortening or separating


typo? - I think you meant to say "though"

I'm applying to Princeton too, but I'm not sure what they're looking for on this question. If they just want straightforward facts, then I think what you have is really good! If they're looking for more of an essay/analysis sort of thing, then I think you could cut down on describing what you did and write about how your summers impacted YOU more.

Thank you!
Well with the first concern, it is supposed to be 2012...
but the thing is that Princeton allows vacations between school years...so I'm wondering if it's okay to use two from the same year?

Yeah, those --> though!!
Thanks for catching that!

Thanks so much for your feedback!