Hey! If you can check out my supplements and give me some critique, that would be just peachy. Thanks so much!!!!
Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?
As a prospective Musical Theatre student with family as Syracuse alumni, my choice to apply to Syracuse was inevitable. Syracuse University is the school that assimilates all aspects of the college experience that I could hope to have, whether it is on stage, in the classroom, or in the bleachers. The College of Visual and Performing Arts is pervasive, and each student graduates with a polished craft and professional opportunities at the tip of their fingers. What I admire most about Syracuse University is its diversity. It incorporates all types of people with varying career paths, yet unites them in the student body as one vibrant community. It provides individual attention to the students, and propagates them to graduate with knowledge and confidence in their area of study. As a student, I always envisioned myself attending a university where I can flash my jazz hands yet cheer with pride supporting an athletic team. That is what influenced me to apply to Syracuse; its diversity, opportunity, and tradition.
Who is the person you dream of becoming and how do you believe Syracuse University can help you achieve this?
To ask a thespian such as myself what person they dream of becoming, it is almost impossible to resist the urge to recite a dramatic monologue about why the stage is their home. For me, it is much more than that. I dream of becoming a person who lives the life of a true New Yorker, the performer that doesn't need to audition for roles, just simply offered them. I want my name to be on the front of a Playbill with an outstanding review from The New York Times. In order for me to achieve these dreams, I know I need to educate myself. Syracuse University's College of Visual and Performing Arts is the program I am certain is necessary for me to achieve my dreams of a steady career in this business. If accepted, I do not want to graduate simply as a person who can sing and dance. I want to be a well-rounded and well-educated actor; a proud thespian with experience on and off the stage. I want to be a performer who encompasses the entity of the triple threat and learn every facet of my profession. The College of Visual and Performing Arts at Syracuse University is the place to be for students who are truly passionate with every fiber of their being about honing their craft. In order to achieve my goals of working on that Broadway stage, I know that I will need to attain the education that Syracuse will provide me.
These are only two... the others are on the way. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE HELP!!!!
overall you make very good points. With the first response my only suggestion would be changing your introductory sentence.
"As a prospective Musical Theatre student with family as Syracuse alumni, my choice to apply to Syracuse was inevitable. " This could sound to someone else that you are applying for Syracuse just because your family went there. The fact that it was "inevitable" could possibly be misconstrued in a negative way. Your college application asks whether your family members attended the university regardless. You did a good job explaining what it is about the school that influenced you to apply, you don't necessarily have to be explicit about who influenced you as well.
for the second response it got a bit repetitive at the end, i would suggest you maybe discuss a specific class they have to offer that will aid you in achieving the goals you spoke of
Hope this helps :))))
