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Essay about myself.... in 3rd eyes...


LilyTran 3 / 8  
Dec 23, 2008   #1
Thanks for every comment :)

Mr. Almost

This short story is about one of my friend. I've been with for long and so long a time that I don't remember, but I remember clearly his first failure, for it was the first time I recognized who he is, or in fact, he was.

Let's get on the time machine and come back to the summer of 2006 ...

Wow, the hot and sultry air of Hanoi in July, I now see a young boy reading a SMS on his father's cell phone. His expression comes from a balloon full of fear, hope, and expectation to a pierced one, with only disappointment left. He's got lower score on the National Secondary Final Exam than expected; it's not low, but not high either, and he fears if they can get him to his desired high school - Hanoi Amsterdam. Few days later, the floor-score is announced - 26 and his score is only 24.5. All hope is drawn out, and he then gives the news to his parents with a smile - a smile to ease his failure, but it reflects his failure rather than ease it. Where to blame this fiasco? He has tried his best, all the night he spent, all the practice tests he took, only produce the "almost admitted". He remembered those nearly accomplished tasks he did; even when playing computer games, he hardly finished it to the end, there always some other newer, more exciting games attracted him. He lacks perseverance, I perceived.

From then on, I tend to call him Mr. Almost, or Mr. Unaccomplished.

We cannot use our time machine anymore, so I can only tell you the rest of the story based on my memory.

Our protagonist felt like having got into hell when he had got into Kim Lien High School. Everyone said that it was lucky that he could still have the opportunity to study here, where most graduated would matriculate to university. But the problem is that he didn't love this long-established and honorable school, where everyone just stuck with studying for the national university-entrance exam. Hanoi-Ams is full of active student, that was where he wanted to be. Silently, he unnoticeably turned to a reticent and introvert boy. He is reserved to make new friends, just gnawed the "failure" that he had got to this school. Who had said that he wanted to be where was full of active students; now he was just a specter of the bubbly boy he had been in secondary school. The agitated mind also influenced his academic life, in this first semester of his first year in high school, he tasted the first time he couldn't get the Good Student Title. Well, it's usual that he "almost" get it, just another 0.2 mark in his Math average mark, to get 8.0. Now he knew he had to get out of this mess, but how?

Mr. Almost started playing basketball since then, for he hoped that it would refresh his mind, and turned him back to the old ebullient one. He signed up for Kim Lien Basketball team, as a newbie. He was dazzled by the skill of the seniors here, they can perform wonderful moves but one thing, but no one could dunk, for they are a little bit short. He felt a little scare that if he could integrate with the team, for he knew nearly nothing about basketball. The only bright part is that he was taller than most of his same ages, that was an advantage. Let's took dunking to be the first goal. Besides the basic technique, he also focused on increasing his vertical jump. Few months past, and all he could do is "almost" touched the rim of the basket. Well, our boy's tendency to alter started to show, and he was daunted by the thought that he could only nearly achieve his goal from now on.

No. He resolved to change, just kept practicing to achieve it. His T-Mac shoes has a big red capital BELIEVE on their soles, and he believe he can do it. Believe, is very important, for it changed your attitude toward everything. It is not "almost done" now but rather "hadn't tried enough".

Playing basket ball also brings him new friends, helped he get along better with others in high school. He befriended with other better students in his class, and they helped him much with his study. He didn't feel isolated with the surrounding anymore, and his friends were not nerdy after all; they have inspired him to visit the Birla Village together.

And ... Mr. Almost have left, leaving me behind

I finally got the Good Student Title in second semester of 10th grade and 11th grade also. I haven't been able to perform a dunk yet, but I have touched the rim of the basket easily, and everyone in the team appreciates my effort for advancing. I believe soon I'll be able to finish this move. At least I've turned back to the playful boy few years ago, without any sorrow, apprehension lingers. From the unnoticed boy in class, I've become populous for my activeness in class activity, and they recently voted me for the position of Class Vice-President.

One or two months I haven't been able to play my favorite sport, for I got an acute gastritis, but I'm sure after taking properly all the medicine, I'll be back.

But someone seems never come back, where'd you go Mr. Almost ....
zowzow 10 / 175  
Dec 23, 2008   #2
good idea for the essay but there are quite a lot of grammer errors
the tenses change back and forth too many times. try to keep it present or past - but at your style of writing, present seems like a better idea

and i don't know the word limits for this essay but it seems a bit too long. unnecessary information at times i thought
OP LilyTran 3 / 8  
Dec 23, 2008   #3
time machine: present :)
Thanks for your comment, zowzow
This is the first draft :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 23, 2008   #4
This short story is about one of my friends . I've been with this friend for a long time, so I don't remember, but I remember clearly his first failure, for it was the first time I recognized who he is, or in fact, he was.

Let's get on the time machine and come back to the summer of 2006 ...

...

Our protagonist felt like he was in hell when he got into Kim Lien High School. Everyone said that he was lucky that he could still have the opportunity to study here, where most graduated would matriculate to university. But the problem was that he didn't love this long-established and honorable school, where everyone just stuck with studying for the national university-entrance exam.

...

Mr. Almost started playing basketball since then, for he hoped that it would refresh his mind and turn him back into ...

I like this part a lot: I haven't been able to perform a dunk yet, but I have touched the rim of the basket easily, and everyone on the team appreciates my effort for advancing.

But Mr. Almost seems to have never come back. Where'd you go Mr. Almost?


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