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"I'd rather just be myself"-Tufts Univ. essay :)


cherrybomb94 20 / 44  
Dec 26, 2011   #1
''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)

I have often felt out of place in Greensville, the small community I've lived in for thirteen years. As one of only four Asians in my graduating class and as a student coming from a family of modest means, I don't exactly conform to the wealthy, overwhelmingly white atmosphere of Greensville. When I was in middle school, I attempted to blend into the culture. I shopped at Abercrombie, befriended a few members of the popular crowd, and, for a while, felt like I was on top of the world. But I soon came to realize that the person I was trying to become-the "typical Greensville girl"-was not me. As I grew older and started high school, I watched my classmates spiral down unhealthy paths of partying, drugs, and alcohol. Watching these transformations take place made me even more convinced that I did not want to be sucked into the mainstream Greensville culture; rather, I wanted to find a group of people with whom I could feel free to be myself. Gradually, I formed friendships with people I truly connected with; people who, like me, were individualists and who preferred a game of "Apples to Apples" to a round of beer pong. It wasn't easy and it took me a long time, but I finally found a group of people whom I could truly identify with. I still don't fit in at Greensville, but I've come to realize that I don't want to. I'd rather just be myself.

This is my first draft. What are your thoughts?
menukagrg 7 / 98  
Dec 26, 2011   #2
I personally like it. It's something a lot of people can relate to but i think the readers(admissions) might think this is a negative answer since you say "I still don't fit in at Greensville". Even the first half of the essay talks has negative connotations. Also, i get how you were influenced by your community but i am afraid the admissions might not see it. If you can talk about your hardships more positively throughout the whole essay, you should try doing it.

I am not sure i helped but i tried. :)
I will be more thank happy to read your essay if you make a revision.
makman09 9 / 86  
Dec 26, 2011   #3
The essay is good, but to be honest, I'm not impressed. You show yourself as someone who is insecure, and then show yourself conquering your insecurity. You writing what many people write. Overcoming weakness and becoming a success. Try to portray yourself as strong minded in the essay. That will definitely capture me. Don't be humble, be big.

Good luck with the essay!

Oh, and can you give my Cornell Human Ecology Essay a read?
deremifri 9 / 137  
Dec 26, 2011   #4
makman is kind of right. You develop your point effectively, there is logic progression, and there is your personality.
However, it just does not blow your mind. Maybe you could enhance the essay by adding a general, philosophic conclusion,
or something that says how it has shaped the person you are today. YOu could for example say
This realization instilled an undestroyable confidence upon me.

Hope you can use this suggestions somehow.

By the way, mind taking a glimpse at my essay?
OP cherrybomb94 20 / 44  
Dec 26, 2011   #5
Thank you guys very much for the comments! I had trouble with the essay because I couldn't think of anything to write about, but I will definately take the advice and probably rewrite this essay on a topic that has a stronger impact. And yes, I will look at your guys's essays when I have a chance! :)


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