Hi! I have editted this essay for numerous times, but still think that there are still some problems. My native language is not English, so there are probably some weird words or expressions or grammar errors. Please feel free to point out. Any advice or criticism will be welcomed :)
Thx!
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Prompt: Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experience influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)
Why almost everyone says that I look like my Dad? Why my ring finger is longer than my index finger while my best friends' is not? Why the same species of flowers on the balcony of my home have four different colors? These questions were bothering me when I was a little kid. Mom told me that it was the power of genes. Since then, I was eager to learn more about this mysterious and powerful thing.
When I entered junior high school, I began to study Biology, and for the first time I had a rough recognization of the important role of genes in almost every aspect of our lives. As I studied further, I was totally enchanted by genes. Mendel's pea experiment, Morgan's fruit fly experiment, and genetic engineering unfolded a fantastic painting of secrets of life. Last year, after the Biology teacher showed us some videos about genes, I determined to devote myself to genetic study and research. These videos displayed that some specific genes can offer certain "supernatural" abilities to the human body, such as synaesthesia and stamina to cold. It is amazing! It seems that genes can do everything. However, only knowing the phenomenon is not enough for me. How genes express in human body? What is the sequence of bases of those special genes? How those special genes form? Can they be passed through generations? I am looking for the answers.
Studying genetics must be interesting and enjoyable, because there are still numerous mysteries waiting for me to explore. Playing a leading role in the field of Biology, Johns Hopkins Biology Department will provide me with the most cutting-edged information about genetics. I am longing for studying Genetics at Johns Hopkins University, and I steadily believe that Johns Hopkins University will be a crucial step for me to explore the secrets of genetics.
Studying genetics wil be very interesting for me as there are still numerous mysteries waiting for me to explore them . Playing a leading role in the advancement of biology , Johns Hopkins Biology Department will provide me with the most cutting-edge information about genetics. I long to study genetics at Johns Hopkins University, and I strongly believe that Johns Hopkins University will be a crucial step for me to explore the secrets of genetics.
Goodluck!
Miray did a great edit. Please type the essay again, and try to use all of her ideas. If you do not understand some of the comments, that is okay! Type the essay again below, and we will try to see if you still have errors.
I'll comment on this part:
These videos displayed that some specific genes can offer certain "supernatural" abilities to the human body, such as synaesthesia and stamina to endure cold temperatures . It is amazing! It seems that genes can do everything. However, only knowing about the phenomenon is not enough for me. ---I added some words to improve clarity! :-)
Please type the essay again when you have time, and we can look for ways to improve it even more.
