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"the nagging stress of the day" - Common app short answer


chriskas10 1 / 2  
Sep 2, 2011   #1
Hey guys, i just would love some feedback on this short answer. Any advice would greatly help!

All the nagging stress of the day disappears. For a short time it doesn't matter how I did on that important math test, how I will complete an essay, or how will I settle an argument with a friend. There is only one simple goal and that is to run. Every day for a period of time only two thoughts mattered; coach yelling to leave it all on the track and the rhythmic sounds of my heavy breathing and heartbeat. Every day required me pushing myself and making sure I was ready and willing to do whatever it took to get on varsity. To be part of a family that helped shape me. I absorbed criticism and I humbly accepted any praise that let me know I was on the right path. Going backwards would forever remain a simple track drill; it wasn't going to be my life's direction.
amrosca 4 / 130  
Sep 2, 2011   #2
Wow, Christian, this is a great short answer ... concise and intriguing and it has a great flow to it. You're a really good writer! :D

Two things I'd change:

... or how will I will settle an argument with a friend. -- Flow's better when you put the predicate after the subject.

And you might want to look a bit at the times. You're constantly changing between past and present. Put everything in present!

Good luck with everything! :)
OP chriskas10 1 / 2  
Sep 2, 2011   #3
thank you so much, I do feel it could flow better so i'll deff work on it a bit more, but at least i know its not too bad haha
amrosca 4 / 130  
Sep 2, 2011   #4
[Damn, you answer fast ...] Well, it is definitely not bad. :P I'd even admit you!
OP chriskas10 1 / 2  
Sep 2, 2011   #5
well i was on the computer lol so wen my phone said i got a response had to check it out and thanks! u should consider working admissions at the schools i apply to then...
amrosca 4 / 130  
Sep 2, 2011   #6
Nah, you'll manage, I'm sure :D Now, excuse me, I'm off to sleep. Night!
Good luck again and perhaps I'll see you around! ^^
admission2012 - / 477 90  
Sep 2, 2011   #7
Hello Chris,

Maybe I was reading a different essay than Ana Maria Rosca, but I think this essay needs major work. You have a lot of issues with sentence structure and agreement. For example, "Every day required me pushing myself and making sure I was ready and willing to do whatever it took to get on varsity." In this sentence you are jumping from past to present and back. Try to keep one voice throughout your essay. Secondly, I cannot tell from reading your essay what your prompt was. A reader should always know or have some idea as to what the prompt of an essay is just by reading the first few sentences. In your final sentence you write "Going backwards," I was a little confused by this? What is "going backwards" or did you mean running backwards. Always try to be very clear in your essays so that Admissions Officers are not so easily confused. Just to double check, I auto scored your essay. It received a 54/100, this tells me that your essay also confuses the auto score system. This is important because most admissions offices also auto score applicants and their essays using the same system. Your goal is to try to get the essay to the point where it easily passes the auto score, even if this means using less complicated sentence structure. - admissions essay advice
lumberjack23 - / 2  
Sep 16, 2011   #9
Excuse me, Kevin. When you said auto score system, what is that? I can't find it with google.


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