Enrique... Hi!
I would not agree with this essay.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and wiped the tears from my eyes as I found my classroom. I entered the first day to my new life, room 12.
Are you going for war?? This is a admission essay... your essay to say that you are an ideal person for their academic curriculum, campus and a person who will be more than just a student. So, this essay fulfills none of the above checklists. Now, problem here that okay its a challenge but is that how you take a challenge?! Even if you were scared then you don't admit it. There are no rewards for honesty here... be smart.
Also, look at Para 1,2,3,4....no connections. No linking lines or a flow. It is very jerky essay. Where are you in the essay?
how does it relate to the person you are?
Just by saying its your greatest strength you can't wrap it up. Can you? I mean if there was another person with same qualifications then what? So, sound more sensible.... talk about the major you are opting for... ( Is it a language major you are applying for... if yes,that can be used for connection.) Add a line or so, about some award in writing or something you received in English or Italian to show your command and commitment to work.
I hope you get the drift. Post up a new draft and we'll work on it more.
Hope this helps.... :)