This is what I have thus far, I consider this to be finalized. Please provide constructive criticisms!!
Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you.
One of my frequent days at Brookdale assistant living ended unexpectedly. Critiscim
There was a humble woman hunched over, as if she was hiding something. As I walked over to the weak lady she continued to scream pain through her eyes. I could see the pain that she earlier tried to hide from everyone, but for some reason, her inviting smile won me over. From that moment on, Brookdale became a journey to figure out how I could repair a woman so damaged. Her name was Christel. As Christel babbled about the beauty of America, a euphonious sound of "Pachebel's Canon" rang from an old, out of tune, wooden piano. I could tell she felt in accordance with the piano, no matter how off pitch it was. "I used to play, you know?" Christel said. I told her I would never forget her because I too enjoyed playing the piano, but in actuality, I would never forget her because I was all she had.
The next time I saw Christel one winter day, I decided to play the old piano. I must have made a distasteful face because quietly, Christel's wheelchair approached the stool and she whispered, "It's okay, keep going. Improvise." At that instance, I noticed something that I have never seen from Christel. As I sit on the bench playing my piece, a genuine smile appeared on her face.
It was a week before Christmas. I knew I needed to go visit Christel since she probably would not have anyone to see. Christel reminded me of a grandparent, in fact she was the closest person I had to a grandparent. Every time I got ready to leave her, she reminded me to be careful on the road- "Crazy people out there" she always said. That particular day I asked an older lady for Christel Robinson. She asked me to wait and slowly walked away from the desk. The old lady returned a few minutes later and told me that Christel left for Christmas. That day Christel was not the only person who was lonely. Christel didn't influence me because she encouraged me to play the piano or acted as a second grandmother. She influenced me in ways that I did not imagine she could. I walked into Brookdale expecting to make another person's lonesome life worthwhile and I came out appreciating the beauty of family and people. Christel made me realize that anyone can influence you. Whether it is a small child without a voice or a crippled elderly. Who says that those who make more money than others are more intelligent? My grandmother has helped me to value the qualities in people and to strive to get to know others.
One of my frequent days at Brookdale assistant living ended unexpectedly. Awkward, took me several readings to understand this sentence.
From that moment on, Brookdale became a journey to figure out how I could repair a woman so damaged. Awkward
Her name was Christel. Way too sudden
Who says that those who make more money than others are more intelligent? No connection to subject
My grandmother has helped me to value the qualities in people and to strive to get to know others. She is your real grandmother? or in spirit? Confusing
Try reading through aloud, and listen for any rough spots.