"My Name" - Common Application short answer essay

Can someone please provide suggestions for the following short answer. The topic was to write about an activity I participate in and i have not idea what i'm doing.

*My Name* representing the delegation of Gabon. Though I speak these words only a few days a year, I have come to cherish them. They are the introduction given every time I rise to speak at a Model UN Conference. Joining the club from a friend's advice, I have come to appreciate it. It has made me a better public speaker and taught me the power of words. From the various competitions that I attended I could see my speech become more powerful and persuasive as I was able to win over more and more to my point of view. I saw how much I had improved when in the ILMUC, I was able to have my resolution passed in one meeting with almost no opposition. Model UN has opened up my eyes to the enjoyment in debate and I will continue to participate in debate oriented activities in college.

So, the activity that you decided to expand on, is just saying seven words?? Just saying these seven words, have made you a better public speaker? Just these seven words alone, taught you the power of words?

You are only saying seven words, yet you are giving powerful and persuasive speeches?
Man. Consider writing about something else. If this is the activity you have decided to talk about, presumably because it is important, it kind of shows that you do not do much anyways, and if saying seven words is what you decide to talk about, well then, at least make the essay more powerful and real at least...

I assume you intend this essay to be about your experience with the Model UN Conference. So, write about that. At the moment, you say it taught you to write better speeches and to enjoy debating. Is that all you got out of the experience? If not, add more details about precisely what you learned. If so, can you show us how the experience affected you like this, instead of just telling us?

i tried to but i am only supposed to write a 150 word short answer

I think the paragraph is fine as a short answer.

A punctuation correction:

"Vishal Patel, representing the delegation of Gabon."

^Hmmm. That would make sense. I thought Vishal's activity was just saying 'Vishal Patel, representing the delegation of Gabon'

I was led to that assumption, because that is how he starts the essay off.
Then, he says 'Though I speak these words only a few days a year, I have come to cherish them'
^So effectively, he is implying that he says these words, and since he cherishes them. Alright,

'This is how I introduce myself at a Model UN Conference. Joining the club following a friend's advice, I have come to appreciate it.'

^It is only assumable that he appreciates introducing himself, with those seven words.

So the question here is, what is the activity. Saying those seven words, are some membership at the Model UN Conference. If it the latter Vishal, I suggest completely removing the introductory lines, and just focus on your role at the Model UN Conference. If it is the former however, then read my suggestions above. In my previous post that is

I'll just weigh in on the question of the opening line. I think it is very strong and engages the reader's attention. It was clear to me, from the text that follows, that this is how members of the Model UN introduce themselves.

Frankly, the way that this answer begins is the cleverest thing about it. I'd certainly not cut that!

And that's precisely your problem. I still say you should reduce the essay to a single opening sentence, and then use the extra room to talk in more detail about the specific things you learned from the Model UN. There is not much point in having a clever opening line to an essay that is overall very generic and unmemorable. It would be much better to have a generic opening line to an essay that is very clever and interesting overall.