Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4

"the nation's first medical school" - academic, research paths


foly17 2 / 2  
Dec 31, 2010   #1
Considering both the specific undergraduate school or program to which you are applying and the broader University of Pennsylvania community, what academic, research, and/or extracurricular paths do you see yourself exploring at Penn?

Fatoumata Foly Balde

"College", the place where every senior is striving to encompass, it's a big stepping stone in life that I feel I need to effectuate at the University of Pennsylvania. The big scary famous ivy leagues of the U.S are very strenuous to get accepted into. I see myself exploring either pre-medicine, art, or architecture in the college of arts and sciences. The Universities many historical achievements is what mainly enticed me to apply there. To be part of an abode full of innovational inventors, leaders, and even the progenitors of our country were fully amalgamated with the creation of this sublime institution. What pulled me in the most to this university was its potpourri of accomplishments and research opportunities that I can choose from. I am still undecided about what I want to major in but I have a couple of things in mind. My most likely major would be pre-medicine and later on to become a neurologist.

The University of Pennsylvania is the pioneer of the nation's first medical school with a university teaching hospital; this could be of great use to me because as I learn I also want to implement my studies in real life. Since Neurology is most likely what I will pursue in graduate school I see the University of Pennsylvania as offering me the best location to go to. I mean I don't want to get settled at a university for four years than later on move to a completely different location and have to start all over, I see that going the University of Pennsylvania will be an easier and smarter decision. After completing my undergraduate study at the college of arts and sciences I will pursue my doctorate in the graduate school of medicine. Another potential major I could research that the university is archeology, because I love history and studying ancient epochs. The University's Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology is also what attracts me because if I go to another university where it is limited in resources and historical artifacts it would limit my studies and I see this university as having one of the best research capabilities for archaeology. I'm an artist so I want to go to a school that can inspire me and help me innovate my own artistic genre and skills, I believe that because the University of Pennsylvania is so full of history and is one of the oldest institutions in the world it can help and inspire me to become a better artist. To be accepted into this university will allow me to research, study, innovate, and invoke my ubiquitous talents which will allow me to bring more to the university while its one of the many greats schools that can offer the best prospects that a college student needs.

omm13 2 / 6  
Dec 31, 2010   #2
The Universities many historical achievements is what mainly enticed me to apply there.
I felt something is wrong.
Presented very well. You answered the prompt adroitly since you describe your intentions as well as college's notable points.
swoosh18 4 / 40  
Jan 1, 2011   #3
The University of Pennsylvania is the pioneer of the nation's first medical school with a university teaching hospital; this could be of great use to me because as I learn I also want to implement my studies in real life. Since Neurology is most likely what I will pursue in graduate school I see the University of Pennsylvania as offering me the best location to go to. I mean I don't want to get settled at a university for four years than later on move to a completely different location and have to start all over, I see that going the University of Pennsylvania will be an easier and smarter decision.

Try rewording this whole section. Also talk more about why you are interested in medicine. Try not to use such huge words that sound like you just looked them up in a dictionary. You could also talk more about what extracurriculars you're interested in.

I hope this helps.
etaang 4 / 40  
Jan 1, 2011   #4
There are a lot of incorrect word choices and ungrammatical phrases. I understand that English probably isn't your native tongue, but it really interferes with the reading...


Home / Undergraduate / "the nation's first medical school" - academic, research paths