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the National Achievers Society, My Qualities and Unique Characteristics (UCF Prompt)


synikki0508 1 / 1  
Nov 27, 2010   #1
Here is my essay for UCF: "What qualities or unique characteristics do you possess that would allow you to contribute to the UCF community?"

University of Central Florida is a remarkable and oustanding university with qualities that I possess and have strived for throughout my years of education. As a past student of two top rated International Baccalaureate schools, and presently a high school student of an exemplified Medical Academy, I have always been placed among demanding and rigorously academic learning. Not only have I learned to be an exceptional learner, but the things taught to me, will continue to benefit me as a leader through the UCF community.

My ambition while attending UCF is to make a difference with my voice. I enjoy giving presentations and speeches. When speaking my voice has a tone that grasp the attention of others, and carries on as a leader. As a commercial once said "When E.F. Hutton speaks, everyone listens." and that will be me. In the UCF community, I want to carry on my leadership as one of the leading voices, a quality I developed through my achievements.

Being inducted into the National Achievers Society, was a great honor bestowed upon me. N.A.S. has greatly enriched my life and my accomplishments. Through this organization I have competed in the FEF Math Bowl team for three years where we placed 4th in two of those years. I am also a member of the Health Occupations Students of America organization, where I placed 1st for two consecutive years in a medical competition. Both of these organizations have played an important part in my achievements in which I look forward to bring to the UCF community.

Please critique my essay. I would really appreciate it.

OP synikki0508 1 / 1  
Nov 28, 2010   #2
I have no clue how this happened but the part in the title that says "the National Achievers Society," is not suppose to be there. Please excuse that error.
whitney 21 / 38  
Nov 28, 2010   #3
Not only have I learned to be an exceptional learner, but alsothe things taught to me,I will continue to benefit mebe as a leader through the UCF community because of what I have learned .

When speaking, my voice has a tone that grasps the attention of others, and carries me on as a leader.

Being inducted into the National Achievers Society, was a great honor bestowed upon me.

Both of these organizations have played an important part in my achievements in which I look forward to bringing to the UCF community.

My ambition while attending UCF iswill be to make a difference with my voice.

Your achievements will be helpful but you need to emphasize your characteristics when you mention your strong points.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 10, 2010   #4
I think it would be great to use a word other than "learner" here:
Not only have I learned to be an exceptional learner a methodical thinker, but the things taught to me will also continue to benefit me as a leader ...

And number agreemment here:
Both of these organizations have played important parts in facilitating my achievements in which I look forward to bring to the UCF community.

:-)


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