instead of comparing your own passion to those of your friends', I suggest you elaborate more about how and why you want to help the people and what does it mean for you.
This is a well-articulated idea... I think it is worth considering. Rey and Michael, thanks for this great work. I am seeing this thread for the first time, and it is already an example of excellent collaboration.
Emily, this is some great writing, and it is an impressive accomplishment. Even though I see what Rey is saying, I also think that the role of the club president is to keep others focused on the right things... so.. this is great, I think!
You use some words a little strangely... you can say: We stationed ourselves in the middle of the... but I don't think "stationed in the middle" is correct. I could be wrong, though.
Michael also caught the misuse of the word encompass. You used it like the word introduce. The scope of the club's focus can encompass several things, but you cannot encompass something to the club.
Anyway, those are small matters. This essay is about something impressive... let's see a new draft with some improvements based on this feedback.
Thanks everyone, you are cool!