Thank you for reading my essay! The USNA is extremely competitive and I am sort of relying on a great essay as I have average SAT/ACT scores for the Academy. Im worried I got too personal for a application into a service academy but any advice is appreciated.
In a well-organized essay of a total of 300 to 500 words, please discuss both of the following:
(1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and
(2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.
I was born curious. I have always had a thirst for knowledge and I seem to soak it up like a sponge. When I started to study up on the Navy I realized it was so much more than what I expected. I saw how technologically advanced naval ships have become and how they are constantly innovating to better defend our country. A few months ago, I read an article about the USS Zumwalt, the "most technologically advanced surface combatant in the world." and right then and there I realised what my life goal was. I spent the whole night researching and discovered things like how a U.S Navy ship doesn't have walls, it has bulkheads and that TOPGUN is a real thing. All the STEM courses I've taken and the leadership roles I put myself in suddenly didn't feel like a waste. It kind of felt like I for the first time ever, I knew where my life was headed. My dad always said the Navy is the best branch of the military and I assumed he only said that because he was in the Navy, but now i'm realising he said that because he's right. The possibility of working on a complex system with people that I know will be qualified and smart seems like something that was meant for me. I am always excited to learn.
No matter how small, every single decision someone makes will change their future forever. It is extremely important to realize this and actually think about everything you do and say. I wish I understood this at a younger age. I missed out on countless opportunities that were handed out to me. I spent a majority of my life unfocused, and I honestly feel like I could have done so much more If I had spent more time working on my future and not small, trivial tasks. This has taught me that making goals for yourself in life is extremely important. It was hard to force myself to become better but one of my first steps was to focus on the most important task on hand and focus until it's completed. It is also important to me that I never make the same mistake twice. Learning is absolutely important and being able to take a step back from a situation and analyze what the next correct step to take is a skill I am still working on. There has not been a major event in my life that all of a sudden forced me to become a better person. In my case, every single little decision and choice I have made in my life has formed me into the person I am today. I am striving to be morally correct in my everyday life and the USNA mission statement actually personifies the man I'm trying to make myself.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 10,923 3562
The interest in the Navy needs to show a progression on your part. The way you tell the story, it is as if you just picked up a magazine and that was that. After you picked up the magazine, you need to be able to show a progression of activities leading to the development of your interest that had the magazine information as a foundation. That part of your essay is too cut and dried. Boring, Uninformative.
The second part, in response to the question, needs to be presented in a formal and personal manner. This should talk about the event, in as much personal detail as you feel comfortable allowing. The events leading up to your character development and integrity must be specific. You have to be open in this interview. Your current presentation is just a glossing over of the question. You are avoiding a direct response which is not helpful to the creation of your application essay.