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Naval Academy Personal Statement - why this service, long range goals and character development

evh353 1 / -  
Nov 2, 2020   #1

Naval Academy Personal Statement

Hello, I am currently applying for the USNA and was hoping to receive feedback regarding my personal statement. Thank you!

In a well­-organized essay of a total of 300 to 500 words, please discuss both of the following:

(1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and

(2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.

Whenever I asked how something worked as a little girl, my family declared that I would be an engineer, especially since it is in my roots. I relate to my Great-grandfather, the roots my family refers to, for several reasons. As a refugee from Poland during WWII, he was especially fortunate and proud of becoming an American. With his mechanical engineering degree, he constructed rockets for NASA. I, too, love and take pride in my country; I understand and appreciate how fortunate I am to have been born in this country. I want to repay my country by joining the United States Navy.

I first considered joining the military my sophomore year when I received a letter from the Naval Academy's girls' track and field coach. My track coach explained that he never had a female receive a letter from the Naval Academy and that I should consider it an honor. This was the first time that repaying my country via service was a possible reality. The Naval Academy is appealing because of my interest in STEM. When I was six years old, I deconstructed a music box in order to understand how it produced music. After determining how the box worked, I felt accomplished and excitedly shared my findings to my family. I discovered a passion for math when learning the quadratic formula. It amazed me that the formula works for every parabola which satisfied my need to know why and how something works. My passion for STEM would allow me to thrive in my engineering studies at the Naval Academy, and thus fulfill the global need for engineers with a first-class education

The Naval Academy provides leadership development that I will use to serve my country. I have acquired leadership skills by holding the Mu Alpha Theta's Social Chair and Model UN's Treasurer. I broke barriers by being one of five girls to compete in my school's inaugural female wrestling team. I mention this because it is important for a leader to be willing to break barriers and be adaptable to unfamiliar situations. With the Naval Academy's resources, I will grow as a leader, lead through service, and change our country by proving females can succeed in the military. I could fulfill my desire to repay my country while receiving an education and leadership skills that will allow me to contribute insight as a female, military-groomed engineer in the developing world.

In 10th grade, my close friend struggled with chemistry and was failing the class. She implored me to let her cheat of me for our test because she needed desperately needed an A. I forbidden her from cheating off me, and instead offered to study with her. She unfriended me. Frankly, we would not have been caught, but preserving my honor and duty as a student was most important. I will sacrifice friendships and fulfill my duty as a student by remaining loyal school's no-cheating policy, in order to preserve my honor as the Naval Academy expects.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,340 3360  
Nov 3, 2020   #2
As a Naval Academy student, you need to present a long term goal other than just being loyal to the country and completing your STEM education. Since your grandfather worked for NASA, then maybe you will want that to be the ultimate goal for yourself, to fulfill the family legacy as a naval officer trained in STEM. Maybe mention that your final aim is to be a part of the team that will go to Mars, return to the moon, or be a part of the operators at the center in charge of one of these missions. You need a definite plan of action. A clear career path that you can parlay into a useful career that the US government can find useful as well. It is not just about loyalty to the country, but also service to the country in more ways than one. Find a way to justify that in your presentation.

Your response to the second question is a bit too simple. That is also a tired reference point. Almost all the applicants will be using the same story. Find something more serious and recent for you to narrate to prove your character development and integrity. Something that will perhaps, also show a love for country and a dedication to duty as aligned with the Naval Academy Code of Honor.

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