These are four essays from the MIT application for fall 2011 entry. Read which ever you want and please tell me your opinion.
Thanks a lot!!!
Tell us about the most significant challenge you have faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation? (250 words)
Last summer, the Imam of a nearby mosque announced that there is someone, who is from out of the neighborhood and in financial hardship, had approached him. I have just received a fair amount of money from my relatives as a reward for my final grades so I decided to help. So the Imam made me meet with this man who showed me a stamped court order stating that he had to pay his debt or else he would go to jail. The man's clothes were very simple and he looked at his feet most of the time. I told him I cannot secure the whole amount needed but some of it and I took him to a nearby charity organization. There they told us that that the person in charge is not present and that he would be present tomorrow morning. Before we leave, they told us that the organization would not be able to cover up the entire amount needed since that there were not enough funds available. I told the man how sorry I am and that I would ask my friends and relatives if they were willing to help. He thanked me, shook my hand and I felt he was about to cry. We exchanged our cell phone numbers and left each other after agreeing on meeting the following morning at the charity organization.
When I returned home, I asked my parents if they want to share. They had no problem but they warned me it could be a fraud. So I decided to test the man. I called him and told him to go the following morning to the charity organization by himself and that I would not be able to meet him there. If he was honest he would go and the organization had the ability to verify if the court order is real and that the man is in true financial need and then I could call him and give him the money but if he did not go to the organization then he was a fraud. He called me directly after I finished my call and said that a neighbor of his had given him an amount of money. I felt he was haggling and told him I could not make it with him tomorrow at the organization. We did not exchange any calls afterwards.
When I went to the charity organization afterwards, they told me that they never saw the man's face again after he first came with me. I told the Imam of what had happened, he said that he had given the man names of major charity organizations in the town and that the man told him that he had sold some of his furniture to obtain some of the money instead of saying that a neighbor gave it to him. Well, it was definitely a fraud and the court order was a fake one. I was grateful that I had not given my money to someone who did not deserve.
What attribute of you personality you are most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you would like to tell us about. (250 words)
"Nobody is perfect. I am nobody." Each one of us has a personality that differentiates between him and anyone else. I believe I have good sense of humor and I consider it a very valuable asset because it has a huge effect in being able to defuse difficult situations and in reducing my stress levels. "I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it." Frank A. Clark once said. I have felt this many times as by a small joke I can ease up the tension during exams or work overload or ending up a disagreement or even break the ice and start a friendship.
I am keen to be always smiling because a smile can have greater effect than any word. It is very important for me to choose the right time for telling a joke or say something humorous since there are times that cannot afford jokes or else you become a jerk. In the same time, I bear in my mind never to laugh at someone or throw a dirty joke at him. I do my best to treat everyone I meet the same as I am confident that each person has his own special gift so if I feel I am better than someone in a way I remember that he can be better than me in other ways.
Also, I do not let competition affect my behavior or carry some kind of hatred or envy towards anyone who I see is better than me in some way. I believe in fate and this means that you have to do your best and in the end you receive what you are meant to have and whether you like it or not it may become the best thing that would ever happen to you.
The ultimate prize for all this is people's love not for a reason but just pure love and caring. Nothing can buy happiness but sharing with people you love is the path of happiness. My last birthday was amazing. I was not going to do something special that day but a friend of mine called me and said that I must have a birthday party. He even created a Facebook event for my birthday party. Anyway, we reserved some tables in a restaurant and the party was arranged. I was surprised by the number of people who came they were double the number I expected. I did not expect such a number of fifty or more that the restaurant was very crowded and the tables were not enough so we had to move the party to another place.
I find what happened as a sign that I am somehow popular and truly beloved by my friends. The party was kind of a mess as we had to change place and my trousers were accidentally ruptured and some of the presents were lost but it was an unforgettable one and a happy day after all.
We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (100 words)
I enjoy reading tremendously. I read in politics and sometimes-sarcastic literature but what I enjoy most is thrillers, especially Agatha Christie's masterpieces and John Grisham's legal novels. Reading has paved the way to imagination and creativity. When I read novels I transform them into movies in my mind; I live with the characters and experience their feelings.
Yet, that's not all; Soccer has always been my favorite sport. I had been practicing for about 6 years till grade 9 when I won a medal for the best midfielder in the soccer school tournament. I never made it to the professional level but I still go play soccer 4 hours a week with my friends in a nearby park or club and we participate in my high school soccer league held every year. Soccer taught me teamwork and sportsmanship. I am not the type of player who takes the ball and run towards the goal trying to pass the whole defense by himself. I take the role of the play maker that synchronizes the team performance.
Although you may not yet know what you want to major in, which department or program at MIT appeals to you and why? (100 words)
'Scientists study the world as it is; engineers create the world that has never been.' Theodore von Karman once said. Engineering is a profession that has always fascinated me. Its influence on our life is unparalleled. Engineers convert facts and numbers into machines and devices; they face the unexpected and shatter obstacles despite being tied by a hectic schedule. This makes me eager to become an engineer; challenges attract me like a magnet. My father works in the field of architectural and construction engineering and he opened my mind on how an engineer should have the economic, social and practical skills beside scientific and mathematical knowledge to get the work done. I realized that engineering is about finding solutions to the needs of society which is what I am looking for; making a difference for a better world to live in. Last summer I went to Malaysia and stood under the Twin Towers and said to myself, 'I want to be part of something big. I want to be one of them.'
Hey there,
In the first story, it was a good thing you did what you did; That was quite astute on your part! There are some small grammar corrections to be made scattered throughout, fix them and you should be good.
On the second, I love that opening quote! You also chose a fantastic attribute, because like you've probably figured, the thing you want to do for applications is stand out. There are still small errors in grammar to knit through. I wonder how many of your peers will choose their intellect or study skills...
While your third essay was nice, your final piece was perfection. You have the kind of mind that it takes to be a truly successful engineer. And as a Civil finishing up his education -at least inside classrooms- I can tell you that your determination will ultimately be your greatest tool. By the end of your first semester Undergrad engineering school is all the tedium of those classes in high school you never wanted to take until about the end of your sophomore year. If you can last that long, all those building blocks you needed to have can finally be applied on real, tangible studies, and that when all that time working for it really pays off.
Good luck
I have had just received a fair amount of money from my relatives as a reward for my final grades, so I decided to help.
I told him I cannot could not secure the whole amount needed but some of it and I took him to a nearby charity organization. There they told us that that the person in charge is was not present and that he would be present tomorrow the following morning.
You need to practice your verbs. Practice putting verbs in the past tense.
Before we leave left, they told us that ...
When I returned home, I asked my parents if they want wanted to share.
I was grateful that I had not given my money to someone who was not in need.
Well, from the way the story sounds, it seems that the man did have some sort of hardship... it is great that you want to help those who are in need. In this short life, there is little else that we can do to make our lives significant.
I am keen to be always smiling because a smile can have greater effect than any word.--nice!
In At the same time, I bear
You have a nice way of writing!
