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"the nectar to the intellectual bees" - what makes Stanford a good place for you


poundsan 1 / 1  
Dec 19, 2010   #1
Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you

In my eyes, Stanford is the nectar to the intellectual bees. It is an epicenter where talented students and professors around the world gather. I strongly believe it is a conducive and environment that can inspire me to succeed like many other Standford students before me. I greatly understand that success does not come easily and hard work alone will not allow me to achieve it. It is the optimism, character as well as intelligence that are required of me and I am certain that Stanford would also emphasize on these values. Stanford has successful track record of producing and training people to succeed in business and finding employment. Its state-of-the-art facilities are something worth commendable too. I just want to call Stanford Home.

feedbacks plz .
needs polishing

thanks

subhash_ghosh 11 / 29  
Dec 19, 2010   #2
I strongly believe it is a conducive and environment that can inspire me to succeed like many other Standford students before me. - I strongly believe it has a conducive andAny word is missing here ? environment that can inspire me to succeed like many other Standford students before me.

I greatly understand that success does not come easily and hard work alone will not allow me to achieve it. - I definitely understand that success does not come easily and hard work alone will not be sufficient to achieve my goals.

Stanford has successful track record of producing and training people to succeed in business and finding employment. - This sentence seems to bit trite, consider rewriting this, and there are a few grammatical mistakes too.

Its state-of-the-art facilities are something worth commendable too. I just want to call Stanford Home. - Its state-of-the-art facilities are something worth commendable too. I just want to call Stanford Home. "Something worth commendable" is not a proper sentence, and the passage ends abruptly with the last sentence, introduce some more smooth flow here.
Juliano 11 / 29  
Dec 19, 2010   #3
It is the optimism, character as well as intelligence that are required of me and I am certain that Stanford would also emphasize on these values.

This sentence is very confusing. I dont really understand what you are trying to say with it so reword it if possible.
I strongly believe it is a conducive and environment that can inspire me to succeed like many other Standford students before me
Standford provides an environment that inspires me to succeed like the students before me.
In this essay be a little more clear. Good luck with everything.
iceui2 - / 70  
Dec 20, 2010   #4
There is no specifics in this essay at all. I'd recommend that you write something that actually applies to Stanford.
OP poundsan 1 / 1  
Dec 20, 2010   #5
i have started a new one to replace it .
thanks everybody


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