'The negative energy exiting my body' - Common App Short

When I am having a bad day, fighting with my family, or coming home from a stressful school day, I walk in my front door and there it is; just sitting there waiting for me, smiling with all fifty-two pearly whites. The piano is my savior. I sit down and take a deep breath. I exhale and gently position my fingertips atop the shiny keys. I place my foot on the cold hard pedal. While my hands and fingers move instinctively from my 10 years of playing. I close my eyes and turn my mind off to the world. I relax completely and expel my stress. The negative energy that exits my body through my fingertips transforms into soft sounding chords that fill and echo through my empty mind. It is amazing how something so simple can be so rewarding. The piano allows me to reflect on a day's struggles and put them in perspective. For a short period of time, nothing else matters. I open my eyes and become the creator of my own happiness.

I really like how you wrote your answer and it allows me to really get a strong feeling about how passionate you are about the piano. I'm not sure, but I feel like there is something missing between "fifty-two pearly whites" and "The piano is my savior." It just feels like you're missing a transition there, but that might just be me. Overall I think the essay is very good!

You sound very contradicting in your short answer. At one point you say you turn your mind off to the world, yet the next few sentences you state that you use it to reflect on your day's struggles. And then you further contradict yourself again in the next sentence saying that nothing else matters. I would take out the part where you say you reflect on your day as it brings a confusion and contradiction to your answer.