Hi, I am from Nepal. Do you know your national game? - common app essay

Probable extinction of Nepalese National Game: Common Application Essay

Hi, I am from Nepal. I do not have a good command of English language. Can you please comment on my common application essay? Any feedback as to how I can improve it will be greatly appreciated. Please, it is urgent. Thanks in advance.

I was never a huge sports person, partly because I was a girl and partly because I was good at studies. And thus I should only study and not play, and who was I to not comply?

When I was thirteen, I came across an interesting game. One of our relatives had come to visit my parents from our village. His name was Ram. Since I had never left the city, I was very curious about the village life. So Ram decided to teach me a village sport- Dandi-biyo. The game was played using two sticks- a longer one named Dandi which is used to hit a shorter stick named Biyo. We played until it got dark and we couldn't see anymore.

The next day at school, during lunch break, I gathered my (girl)friends and proudly demonstrated my new sport. We enjoyed playing the game so much that we spent the entire break playing Dandi-biyo.

But the joy at the discovery of the new girl sport did not last long. Our science teacher, who had a class after lunch break, commented on how he used to think we were "good" girls and how we proved him wrong. He said,"Dandi-biyo is not a noble game to play." I suddenly realized that I had an image to maintain, that of a nice girl. I felt like I let my teachers and parents, who had trusted me to have good a judgment, down. I decided to never play Dandi-biyo again.

When I came home from school, Ram was preparing to go back to the village. As he walked out of our front door, he commented that I was a bright girl and was very quick to learn Dandi-biyo. He said, "Play it as much as you can. After all it is the "national game of Nepal".

Are you sure?! I couldn't believe that Dandi-biyo was the national game of Nepal until I confirmed the fact from one of the thick general-knowledge books. Who would have thought an obscure game played while grazing goats in the villages is in fact the national game? More shocking was the idea that I had never heard of the national game before; neither had my friends, my teacher or my parents.

But guilt quickly followed the disbelief. I realized that when I decided to never play Dandi-biyo again, I was doing a disservice to my national game. And I was more ashamed because I was afraid to be true to myself. I had truly enjoyed playing Dandi-biyo. How could I not gather the courage to continue playing the game I loved? How could I not defend my Dandi-biyo when it was accused of being anything less than noble?

I had to do something about Dandi-biyo, and I had to do something to soothe the pangs of guilt I was experiencing. Thus, the next day at school, I went to the Principal's office and submitted a proposal on why Dandi-biyo should be included in our school's sports club. Surprisingly, the proposal was well-received. Dandi-biyo became one of the sports featured in our sports center. The first Dandi-biyo Competition was held. I came third, and that became my first participation in a sports event ever.

My school still holds an annual Dandi-biyo competition.

Maybe you should explain a bit more on the game "Dandibiyo". Otherwise, nice essay.

Thanks for your feedback on my essay :)

Explain as in how it is played? or its history? The word limit is 500 and I don;t how to manage any more descriptions without exceeding the word limit.

Maybe you should explain a bit more on the game "Dandibiyo". Otherwise, nice essay.

Thanks for your feedback on my essay :)

Sure.... glad to help you because I read your full essay and I must say that it's a great essay. Very meaningful and authentic. You display really good writing skills too. :) .... Only I wish if you had posted the prompt for us give a more relevant feed back to you. Make sure you post the prompt together with your essay in future posts you make :)


This was the only line I found that does not stand up the smooth interesting flow you display through out your essay. This is my suggestion, but you can have your own re-phrased one if this is not the real idea you wanted to present;

This led to my stereotype approach; Do concentrate on studies and not give a try on sports.


.... This is very interesting... You know I'm from Sri Lanka and we play the same game and we call it "Gudu". And we use "Danda", meaning the two sticks you explain to play this game. I think the closest English term for this is "tip-catch" :D ... I too loved playing this game when I was small and it's a lovely game.


....said how his perception about us changed from "good" behaved girls to "bad" when he found us playing such an inferior game like "Dandi-biyo"; He referred to it as a game not played by the girls come from good backgrounds.




... Awesome writing.
I admire your spirit... Yes, our countries need people to stand by their national heritage and protect these good features for the benefit of future generations.

Good Luck!