Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3


Networking / Pacific National Exhibition; Why U Toronto?/Extracurricular activities?


linadu95 2 / 5  
Jan 13, 2013   #1
What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?

I grew up in a world of fast growing science and technology, which had sparked my interest in engineering early on in my life. Engineering is the foundations of the luxurious privileges that we enjoy today, but many do not realize the complexity of this field of profession. Yet, I am prepared to undertake the difficult problems and tasks that accompanies it.

Growing up I have always been influenced to not only see the "what" but understand the "why" behind things that I encounter in life. My father is a civil engineer and he always encourages me to initiate investigates to not only appreciate the exterior of the objects, as well as understand how it is able to function the way it does. At the same time, as a highschool student I have always been fascinated with the different sciences, though I often find myself wondering how do some of the concepts that I have encountered apply to real life. After having to familiarized myself with engineering, I realized that it gives me an opportunity to not only continue my interest in physics, but also allows me to use my knowledge and utilize it in everyday life. As I reach the senior level of science in highschool, I began tutoring other students in chemistry and basic sciences. During the sessions, I helped my fellow peers to understand the core concepts of every problem. It is through these experiences, I have learned to not only understand the ideas but to communicate it with others, developing patience and solid team work skills. In addition, I volunteered at community centers for sports and holiday camps, because I believe in giving back to the community as I have been so privileged to grow and learn in such a blissful environment, meanwhile I also enjoy helping others with skills that I posses. Last summer, I worked for Pacific National Exhibition, I was intrigued by the physics and the mechanic behind every rollercoaster and amusement ride, not only I had the opportunity to communicate with the engineers who designed some of the rides, also I was treated to review the blueprints for the rides and the physics behind each coaster. At the same time, I worked as a games attendant in the amusement park, I learned to communicate with others, while utilizing the sales training that I have received in the "field". Throughout my experience during my summer, I had a better understanding of the field of engineering as well as the skills for articulating my thoughts to others.

I believe enrolling in the University of Toronto would offer me the opportunity to meet and connect with variety of people, and surrounding myself with hard working and intelligent peers will motivate myself to become a better me. In addition, U of T offers the Professional Experience Year, which allows me to participate in the actual field, while traveling around the world to experience the different cultures and aspect of engineering. Studying in this university would grant me everything I need to exceed my goals for my future.

Thanks for reading my essay, Im not really strong at writing, so please help me with editing this.
katev 18 / 120 24  
Jan 14, 2013   #2
Try to vary your sentences, don't begin with "I ___" so much. Sure, they ask you to write about yourself and they give you some basic questions to answer, but it gets a little boring to read "I do this. I learned this. I hope to do this."

encourages me to initiate investigates to not only appreciate the exterior of the objects, as well as understand how it is able to function the way it does

encourages me to not only appreciate the exterior of the objects, but also to understand how it functions

After having to familiarized myself with engineering, I realized

After familiarizing myself with engineering, I realized...

As I reach the senior level of science in highschool, I began tutoring

While taking the senior level of science at my highschool, I also tutored...

Just a few suggestions
OP linadu95 2 / 5  
Jan 14, 2013   #3
Thank you for your advice, I'm going to try and change some of sentences.


Home / Undergraduate / Networking / Pacific National Exhibition; Why U Toronto?/Extracurricular activities?
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳