hi (: I need some feedback and editting of my common apps essay. I chose my own topic which is being a sister to a 6-yr old brother (:
is this gonna get me any closer to ivy schools? xD i was thinking of writing about participation in Odyssey of the Mind but is it a well-known competition in the US? i participated as an international participant from singapore (:
My New "Job" - Being A Big SisterThe 22nd of November, 2003, was a special day in more ways than one. Anxiety and excitement gripped me as I waited in the Bukit Timah Primary School hall for the release of the Primary School Leaving Examination (PSLE) results. After an agonizing fifteen minutes wait, the results were finally announced and I was beaming from ear to ear as I had the second best score in my school. As the PSLE was the first major exam that I had ever sat for, my outstanding results served as the first real confirmation of my abilities and reward for my relentless pursuit for knowledge.
As some basked in glorious victory while others suffered heartbreaking defeat, my own happiness was short lived. My wait was not over and the apprehensiveness never ceased, because that was not the end of the momentous day; I was about to have a new "job" of being a sister.
It was the weirdest feeling thinking that I was going to have a baby brother, as I had been the only child in the family for thirteen years. There was a new-found sense of responsibility, as well as trepidation and an unspeakable fervor. I could not wait to see him, but at the same time it was difficult for me to appreciate the fact that I was going to have a younger brother with such a large age gap. However, I was confident that I could be the perfect role model for my little brother.
Then I found out that I could not be more wrong - my new job was far from easy. My image of me being a patient and loving sister was thrown out of the window. Dealing with my brother required skills far beyond those I acquired from teaching children in the Children's Reading Club Community Involvement Program. His restless and mischievous nature made it really difficult for me to teach him anything at all. Initially, I felt compelled to discipline my brother as a figure of authority because I had high expectations of him; in my 13-year-old mind, he had to be obedient, intelligent and lovable. On hindsight, I was unreasonable and expected him to be attentive all the time, and not cry at the slightest reprimand. I thought being firm and stern would be in his best interest.
This shortsightedness could probably be attributed to my expectations in life. I am a self-professed perfectionist, and possess the tenacity to work well past midnight just to perfect that educational Red Cross Youth booklet for that Social Studies project, or stay in school till midnight to rehearse for the Odyssey of the Mind International Finals in USA. I translated what I expected of myself and my peers in my daily school life onto my little brother and treated him like a grown-up. I probably took my "job" too seriously, without realizing that my brother simply needed my encouragement and gentle tolerance.
When I taught my brother English vocabulary and spelling for the first time, I failed to bring any joy into learning. I told him that if he did not try hard enough and get the answers right, I would not let him play downstairs with his friends. He panicked and could not concentrate. Pangs of guilt gripped my heart as I stared at his little face contorted in a frown, eyes brimming with tears but I pushed him harder as I just could not comprehend why he could not remember what he learned just seconds ago.
Eventually, I was the one who needed to be educated by my father on the right way to teach my brother. I learned that when educating children, I should use words of encouragement instead of criticism. In order to bring joy and fun into learning, I created anecdotes and used everyday events such as washing dishes, going to kindergarten or even watching television to introduce new vocabulary. When he made mistakes, I would say "Adam is a smart boy, so he's bound to get it right the second try" instead of "That's wrong. Do it again". I realized that repetition works best for kids his age, so I made a point to make him repeat the pronunciation and spelling of each word at least five times. Connecting words to real life situations made my brother remember them better and in no time he was able to spell almost every word I taught him. I felt a sense of pride and joy as my brother looked forward to me teaching every time. Gone was the pained expression he would unfailingly sport when he failed to escape, and gone were the days when he would do anything to evade my lessons.
Now, I believe I can empathize with my parents to a certain extent when they were bringing me up. The kind of love, patience and dedication required really made me appreciate my parents a lot more. I also became a much more patient and tolerant person as I learned to condone his "works of art" on my worksheets, borrowing my pens without permission and wearing my high-heeled shoes. Gradually, as I became more involved in his life, I wanted to share the joy of his accomplishments and used my own pocket money to buy chocolates for him as rewards. I also made birthday cards for him and taught him to play simple duets with me on the piano. Since 2003, I have been learning something new about my brother every single day: his gurgled speech, his faux hip-hop dance moves, his tantrums and his endearing smooches on my cheeks. I learned to appreciate and grew to love the way he imitates Doraemon when he tries to score sympathy points with my parents.
My brother showed me how to be a daughter, a sister and a friend. Up till now, I never stop learning to be a big sister as I know I can always be better than what I am. Each passing day loved him more as I witness his growing up and transformation into a sensible young man. The six years with my brother have flown past in a blink of an eye; as I am sitting by my computer, applying for universities, it seems like just yesterday when the emotions of that fateful day at the end of Primary Six surged through me. Soon as I embark on my undergraduate studies, I will have to leave my home and live in a place far from my parents and my little brother. I am going to treasure every minute of the remaining eight months that I am spending with my family, especially my brother, as he is growing up so fast that I might not recognize him the next time I see him. I really hope that twenty years down the road, when I may already have my own children while he just graduates from College, we will still remain the best of siblings.
essay 2:
Odyssey of the Mindhttps://essayforum.com/undergraduate/common-apps-topic-odyssey-mind-12711/