In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service. (400-500 words)
It seems like only a few days ago my younger brother and I were at the playground having fun; we slid down slides, swung on the(delete the?) swings, and ran around enjoying ourselves. My brother and I shared the love of running. He aspired to follow my footsteps and join the(a?) cross country team. As we grew older, my brother and I developed a stronger and bolder relationship. A relationship that is inseparable.
Recently, however, life's road took a sharp turn for my brother. For two consecutive months, he became seriously ill with constant fevers and difficulty walking(does that make sense?). My family took him to every doctor in town, however, none of the doctors could successfully diagnose the problem. Eventually, we found a doctor who was determined to help him. Our new(Should I put "this" instead?) doctor recommended admitting him to the(into a?) hospital immediately. Subsequently, he was laying in bed while draped with IVs at Shands Children's Hospital in Gainesville. Despite this, I rest assured thinking that he was only there for a check-up. Unexpectedly, I received a phone call from my mom. She broke out in tears as she explained my brother had been diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis (JRA). Hearing my mom's distressed voice over the phone made me deeply concerned about my brother's health. From this point on, it was a struggle for my brother(him?) to engage in physical activity. An arduous week had passed by before my brother was discharged from the hospital. Reflecting on what my brother went through, I regretted all the times I teased him and made him cry while growing up. I promised my brother to assist him with his rehabilitation. During the next three months, he was required to go to physical therapy three times a week. From week after week, I was there for him to help him recooperate. I provided him with his necessities right in his hands, I spent even more time with him, and I constantly reminded him that he will be fine. Through it all, I was relieved to see his condition(conditions?) improve. As the days went by, my brother became increasingly jubilant knowing that he was closer to becoming physically active. I shared in his excitement knowing that I played a vital role in his well-being. Consequently, all my time spent behind my brother's troubles prevented me from preparing myself for many standardized tests.
Now, as much as it hurts to see my twelve-year-old brother gulp down five pills a day and take three injections a week, I have developed a new perspective on life. I have used this experience as a lens to magnify my strengths in helping other individuals. Accordingly, I have decided to pursue a career in the field of medicine to aid other loved ones and to save lives. I believe the University of Florida would provide me with a platform by which to base an exceptional career in the medical field, since it is a remarkable college filled with extensive health care facilities. It is said that only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile. I would like to carry this philosophy to UF and inspire others to care about and become involved with their community to make a difference and alter lives. I believe that if I can observe the change in one person's life for the better, then years of study and hard work would be more than worthwhile to me.
Yes, delete "the" and keep "swung on swings."
Sorry I'm late!
Yes it makes sense, no you should not put this instead, no, yes into a hospital is better, yes him, condition.
This is well-written! Sorry I was too late to help before you submitted it!!
