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"New sport; I joined the swim team" - extracurricular activities 150 words


goccasual4 2 / 6  
Feb 23, 2011   #1
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities (150 word)
Common Application.

Hello, I am fairly new and this was a free write. Please help I would love your advice.

Learning a new sport can be very difficult, especially when it involves the water. I joined the swim team in my sophomore year and I can still taste the chlorine in my mouth from those days. Being involved with the team, not only made me aware of the challenges we face but the leadership and determination one must have to break. I was astound when I had been announced the Team Captain. With more weight on my shoulders, I was patiently aiding the group to districts and there after regional's. I found this experience felt like a growing family, sharing smiles and fun times in and out of the water. I have discovered various obstacles which have molded me to what I have become today. The water is where I feel the most comfortable, and that gives me a clear sight of where I am supposed to be.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 2, 2011   #2
I like that first sentence. Clever! Take out the word "the."

...involved water.

I joined the swim team in my sophomore year, and I can still taste the chlorine in my mouth from those days. ---ha ha, I like your style.

Being involved with the team not only made me aware of the challenges we face but also the leadership and determination one must have. to break. I was astound when it was had been announced that I would be the Team Captain.

I have discovered various obstacles which have molded me to what I have become today. ---Can you be more specific?

The water is where I feel the most comfortable, and that gives me a clear sight of where I am supposed to be.---Nice.

:-)


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