Here are four essays...Please help me review. I really appreciate yoru help!!!
I. REQUIRED SHORT ANSWER
Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: ''Why Tufts?''
I was surprised when I happened to see Tufts' essay questions. I thought, Wow, it's so interesting, is this college application? I must write it, no matter what! My intuition just told me the open minded and creative atmosphere behind such a question. I long for a place which encourages diversity and exploration. Later, I knew the international perspective and "learn from difference" spirit of Tufts. It would be the best place for me, who is seeking fresh and exciting air.
II. REQUIRED SHORT ESSAYS
1. There is a Quaker saying: ''Let your life speak.'' Describe the environment in which you were raised--your family, home, neighborhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today.
My family has been moving from places to places, cities to cities since I am young. Every time I would adjust to a totally new environment. I was always excited about it. For me, there is no so called "comfort zone" because I am always walking into the unknown, and enjoying the excitement of exploration.
I like finding new ways and new areas. Several days ago, I explored the city of Hong Kong without a map. When there were still a few hours to my departure, I started from my SAT test centre with a compass as my only guide. I told myself: let's walk to the sea.
I saw on the road unexpected sceneries, ordinary yet impressive. I mingled into a college and watched students' commencement; I walked into the park and joined the boys playing rugby; I entered a Mosque and saw the people praying, who were happy to see a boy interested in Islam.
I finally arrived at the sea in exhaustion. It was my destination, but I had seen all the beautiful sceneries along the road. They are beautiful because they are unknown. What I pursue in life is not the ultimate goal, but the kaleidoscopic pictures in the journey. I will still walk on to the next destination, even if I don't have a map. I may have only a rough image, a dream, and that's enough.
2. Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests, and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Do you surf or tinker? Are you a vegetarian poet who loves Ayn Rand? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes? Are you preppie or Goth? Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the Class of 2014?
Soccer is more than a sport for me. It's a life style. Those qualities which are essential for a striker: speed, patience and seizing the chance, taught me how to do well on the field and in life.
I like sprinting on the field with high speed. Speed is the symbol of vitality. On the field, only young players can break through with high speed. It means unstoppable enthusiasm and a motivation to make progress. One's body will grow old, but his mind can be always young.
I also practice shooting a lot. In rapidly changing situation on the field, we need to make the difference in a second. Focus on the ball, keep calm, in practical and simple way, to achieve the only goal: to score. I always tell myself: Be patient, I need only one chance. I do not always run crazily, but I will watch carefully. A good player plays with brain, but a mediocre player plays with muscle. In life, I also believe that making the right decision at important moment can change a lot; it is more important than working hard but thinking little. On the other hand, careless "shoot" will waste our efforts before.
Maybe I won't be able to step into professional career, but I hope to work like a striker in life. Even when I am too old to speed up on the field, I will still keep the energy and passion of a young player, stay calm and efficient, and shoot accurately.
7. Write a short story using one of the following titles:
a. House of Cards
b. The Poor Sport
c. Drama at the Prom
d. Election Night 2044
e. The Getaway
My choice: The Getaway
Professor Feinstein woke up when he heard the sound inside the wall. Moments later, a tiny robot fell inside his room. There were a tiny microphone and a timer on that. He picked up the thing. It was the voice of Joseph, president of Juri Republic. "Professor, our police have arrived outside the prison. They are ready to rescue. The Gene Mutation Machine has been fixed. We are right here waiting for you to activate the program."
Feinstein was filled by a sense of pride and responsibility when he heard the words. He had been trapped in the Magogian prison for a month, when his country was routed in the world war. The president stopped and then he heard the voice of chief spy. "Professor, go out from room No 5, and then No 24. The gate code had been deciphered by our engineers. Please be quick and you have only 10 minutes."
The key of his lifetime has arrived, he thought. He must go out, and save his country.
He walked out of the cell towards the gate. No5, No24, No17... Suddenly, a man came to him. "Professor, my wife is now having difficult giving birth to a baby. She is in great danger. I know you are a doctor, and ...can you..."
"I am sorry, but..." He walked ahead before the man to finished speaking.
"Beep, Beep." Harsh sound from his timer. He had only 7 minutes to go. He quickened his steps.
"Ouch!" it was the woman's cry. The man ran back.
A chill came over Feinstein. He stopped, and could not help looking back "Beep, Beep." He looked at the timer: 5 minutes left. The red light on it began to flash. He moved one step further, but his heart throbbed heavily. His rationality and determination moved him ahead, although each step is like pulling his foot out of a morass with great effort.
He heard the woman's cry again and was all of a tremble. He took a deep breath. His face was full of sweat and his hair seemed to have just been washed. He wiped the sweat on his forehead with his left hand. Suddenly, he saw something sparking.
It was a ring his college president gave to him when he graduated.
He stopped.
He gazed at the ring. It was still sparking, after 30 years. The words engraved on that had not yet all been abraded. He read out, softly and slowly.
"Peace and light."
He shook his head and sighed.
He turned back, to the man's room.
"Beep, Beep." 3 minutes. He took out the timer, looked at it for a second, and then threw it away.
3.2.1. Suddenly, the warning system restarted and the whole prison was full of red alerts. Professor was just taking out the baby when 20 soldiers rushed into the room and captured him.
The escape of Professor Feinstein shocked the government of Magog. Magogian President Gog decided to attack in advance to stop the start of Gene Mutation Machine. 20 minutes later, he gave an urgent speech to the country and commanded, "To exterminate the use of mass destruction weapon and protect the future of human. Our army will now start the general war with Juri. My fellow citizens, let's fight for humanitarianism!"
(PS:"Peace and Light" is the motto of Tufts University)
This is perhaps the longest thread I have ever posted...anyway, it's a special school which has a long list of essays.
I really appreciate your help!!!!!
I was surprised when I
happened to see di
scovered the uniqueness of Tufts'
unconventional essay questions.
That will get your point across better! :-)
...from place to place, city to city......kaleidoscopic pictures in the journey----> I like this part! I read that all forms are mandala, meaningful symbols in the kaleidoscope of sensory perception.
Lifestyles is one word.
Those qualities which are essential for a striker
include :
anyway, it's a special school which has a long list of essays
Yes, I know what you mean! It's okay. I like your story! I think you should type the words for numbers (i.e. seven instead of 7)
...and commanded, "To exterminate the use of
weapons of mass destruction and protect the future of humanity , our army will now start the general war with Juri. My fellow citizens, let's fight for
peace !"
Hey Baoguang, I was just noticing all the great help you've been giving other people. You are very thoughtful.
Thanks, it made me want to come help with your essay again.
You need to practice writing in the past tense. Instead of saying, "My family has been moving from place to place since I am young," you should say, "My family has been moving from place to place since I was young."
"I am" is present tense.
"I was" is past tense.
Keep woring on that verb tense: The truth is that I have intense feelings that day, but I am not sure if I am putting it in the right way. ---->The truth is that I had intense feelings that day, but I am not sure if I am putting it in the right way.
