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New York University is a mural painted by generations of students


nada1998 5 / 8  
Dec 30, 2014   #1
NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you

New York University is a mural painted by generations of students. Each stroke represents a different student. Where each student represents him/her self by the color, shade, and design that depicts what he/she has contributed to the university. When I attend NYU I will provide a vibrant, flamboyant color to the mural that stands out yet fits in the painting.

The color and design I pick will delineate me. The color will be a bright, upbeat to represent the positive spirit and enthusiasm I will bring to the campus. The shade of color that I will choose, will be one with great depth, one that will hold the meaning of creativity yet discipline; fun yet seriousness. The color I add to the painting, that has already been painted by inspirational classes, will be one to stand out.

The color is not only what will make the movement I formed with the brush stand out, but also the technique I use to . With a single stroke of the brush, I will connect the art of the past classes to the art of the current and future classes. My paintbrush will dance across the wall to make a shape that is delicate and firm; representing the help I will preform I will provide to the staff and students, but still abide to the rules and never cross the lines. NYU is a well established piece of art work that has many tones to emphasize its network of teachers, students, etc.

Every single drop of paint contributes to the whole picture, just like how every students provides a piece of him/her self to NYU. No artwork is ever perfectly complete, since more color and creativity can always be added to make a much more aesthetic portrait, but I hope my single choice of hue and style will be one to stand out and be an inspiration for future painters.
ryao15 4 / 25 10  
Dec 30, 2014   #2
New York University is a mural painted by generations of students. Each stroke represents a different student. Where each student represents him/her self by the color, shade, and design that depicts what he/she has contributed to the university. When I attend NYU I will provide a vibrant, flamboyant color to the mural that stands out yet fits in the painting.^ Great introduction! Very captivating, vivid and coherent. I think your comparison of NYU to a mural makes for an interesting read, and shows your mastery of the English language.

... one that will hold the meaning of creativity yet discipline; fun yet seriousnessserious

...just like how every studentsstudent provides a piece of him/her self to NYU.
I would change the him/her self part to himself/herself or just pick a gender.

In the intro, you mention that your color would stand out yet fit in with the painting, but paragraphs 2 and 4 both state that you will stand out. Could you clear that up a bit? To me, it seems a bit contradicting. But it might just be me.

Good luck!
samkazmi 6 / 13  
Dec 30, 2014   #3
I don't think you answered the question. You don't specifically say what NYU can offer you or what you can offer them. The essay is great. But it's all figurative. You answer neither part of the question.

Good luck !
csc789 2 / 3  
Dec 30, 2014   #4
I agree with the comment above; you essay is quite beautiful, but it lacks concrete details. Maybe mention you intended majors or schools!
adventoor 3 / 19  
Dec 30, 2014   #5
Also agree. However, you do discuss what you can offer NYU, so you're good on that part. I think you should take out paragraph 3 and replace it with that what can NYU offer you portion of the question. Past that, you are good to go!


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